I thought this was another steephie thread.

"I thought this was another steephie thread."

I was confused too.

http://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/

Seriously guys.

I'm pretty sure that I know how to make the poo come out all by myself, but I get confused after.

Who the crap +1'd this thread???

I did. I'm pretty sure he's mocking somebody, and while I have no idea who it might be, it's probably funny once you have context. I mean, this is the same genius who brought us "fag-naur," and "holocaust of a sports loss," how could it be anything less than brilliant?

Where are all of the well-meaning members now?

Help me? I'm really trying. The residual poo on my butt has become crusty and uncomfortable.

I guess I could just Google the answer or follow Jamiet99UK's link, but I like to ALSO use this Forum for information gathering. Just mute the thread, if you don't like it.

If I use my right hand to wipe, is that ok?

Does it make me an Islamophobe?

Ask mommyleaf to lick it clean.

She probably already did.

That sounds incestuous. Also, that solution seems tailored to me, specifically.

I need to know how YOU do it. Seriously.

I have a turtle head poking out. Time is not on my side.

jamiet, what is this, Communist Rusia--3 squares?

That's HARDLY enough surface area to tackle the amount of shit coming out of maple's hole (and also his ass!)

In Communist Russia, butt wipes YOU

Can I just point out that my threads cause fun and are therefore pretty good?

Just use your toothbrush, maple. And be thorough, i.e. at least 3 inches deep.

I tried that. It hurt, and it was impossible to flush. On top of that, now I have to use my finger to brush my teeth.

This works for you, honestly?

With the amount of shit coming out of your mouth, it should be a natural fit.

"This works for you, honestly?"

Huh. I thought we were talking shit. My bad.

@obiwanobiwan - Have we ever spoken?

@everybody else - Draugnar's dead bunny might finally be good for something now.

Jeez....

When it comes to universal human activities, nothing is more overlooked than post-defecation clean up. But does everyone perform this common behavior the same way? Of course not. So surely some techniques are more effective than others. Here you will find a simple method that will keep your anus fresh, clean, and happy every day.

http://howtowipeyourbutt.com/

Jamie already posted that.

Are you shitting us?

Sorry. I didn't know he posted it before.
Just wanted to help.

Just shitting with ya.

Ha

I'm pretty sure this is a joke thread, but just in case it isn't and someone desperately needs me to impart some of my wisdom here it is...

Firstly determine if you are a boy or a girl, this is usually done by checking if you have a penis, but some penises are very small and small clitorises can get quite enlarged so better to check with your mom as well. This is important because boys should wipe from back to front and girls should wipe from front to back. This prevents stuff from the back bottom passing into the front bottom, boys of course don't have front bottoms so they needn't worry. Then select a good toilet tissue - also known as toilet paper or nog roll. It needs to be the kind that is strong and very long (you don't want to run out). Now cut a hole in the middle of the paper and stick your finger through. Now wipe your arse. You will note that your finger is now dirty, but don't worry because you can use the bit of bog-paper you cut out to wipe your finger. Repeat after every bowel evacuation, or more regularlt if you prefer.

In times of war and civil crisis it is permissionable to use newspaper rather than toilet paper, the Daily Mail is usually the best for this, but beware it sometimes has plenty of shit in it already.

If you're really posh you may also like to install a bidet, no one actually knows what they're for but it will help you convince your friends your posh so the extra expense is not wasted.

Any queries please ask.

"In times of war and civil crisis it is permissionable to use newspaper rather than toilet paper, the Daily Mail is usually the best for this, but beware it sometimes has plenty of shit in it already."

This.

Isn't that how Cottonelle was invented? By butt wiping with rabbit tails?

Animals don't wipe and it works .
Can't we do the same?

No. It makes the bedsheets brown.

That's because the bedsheets are wiping your ass without you having to put any effort into it. Problem solved.

Not according to Mrs maple, they're not.

OMG, the mods are in a snit again.

PLEASE. I had baked beans for dinner......

Does anybody have an extra pair of brown trousers?