Declaration of Man
When in the course of human events a group becomes confusing and corrupt it becomes necessary for the men to list their grievances and complaints. A decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to complain and strive for a better life. We hold these truths to be self evident that every man is created equal with certain rights among which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In order to secure these rights men must complain to the public about those who take them away. That whenever women become destructive without end man has the right to list their grievances and complaints. That these men have the right to put in new institutions or relationships with new kinds of women whenever a woman becomes corrupt. The history of women is one of repeated injuries and usurpations against man. To prove this let facts be submitted to a candid world.
Woman has complained to mankind constantly. They have forbidden us to complain back forcing us into submission. Woman has continually forced man to say “yes, dear” and “whatever you say, dear” against mankind’s will.
She has forbidden us to make decisions of importance without consulting her first. She has refused to make decisions on where to eat or visit, yet, she becomes angry when man decides against her unstated opinion. Woman has refused to communicate properly to man when decisions are being made causing confusion. She has the tenacity to assume man should know exactly what she wants all the time.
She has called together her friends to torture and gossip at men who have not conformed to her will. She slanders man’s name and causes all her allies to hate man for “what he has done to her.” Woman has given no representation to the man in these meetings with her allies. Man’s worries and opinions are not taken into consideration by Woman and her allies.
She has imposed upon us rituals we must perform. Including and not limited to, waiting in stores until she is finished, watching chick flicks, and having to text her at all hours of the day. Woman has claimed that man does not listen while all she does is talk. Woman has intruded upon man’s time. She has forced man to stop watching football games, she has limited the amounts of junk food in the pantry and she has taken all space in the house away from the man.
Woman has repeatedly sabotaged mankind with unanswerable questions such as “does this make me look fat?” and “do you even love me?” When attempting to answer such questions man digs himself into a hole and is scolded when answering truthfully or if he tells a white lie. Man has been forced to keep quiet in order to save himself from certain unanswerable questions.
Woman has caused evil to enter the world. Eve, the first woman, has caused all men grief for eating the apple and tempting Adam to do the same. Woman has continued this tradition of tempting man to do things against his own will. She has bribed man with her flirtatiousness. She has caused man to fall from the twinkle and wink of her eye. Woman repeatedly uses her attractiveness to receive from Man things she longs for. Woman has used this weapon against mankind without mercy.
Woman has confused man with her ever changing mood swings. At one moment she is happy with man's deeds, the next she shuns him for his actions. She has repeatedly spoken a different language full of strange and exotic words man cannot understand or argue against. She has filled the head of men with confusion and emotion due to her own confusion and emotion.
She has continually clinged to man strangling him from his freedom. She requires him to give up playing his video games in order to spend more time with her. She has become a wall between man and his friends making it impossible for him to spend time with his own kind. She has even scared off man's friends that happen to be of the girl gender.
At every stage of these oppressions we have complained to women for reform. We have listed our grievances and asked for change but have not received it. We have been ignored and not taken into consideration by woman.
We, therefore, the representatives of man, appealing to women of all kinds , do in the name of this great nation of men claim our right to the pursuit of happiness. We ask woman to repair the relationship between man and the female gender. We, mankind, ask to be considered for what we want in a relationship so that we can give woman what she wants as well. We do not wish to dissolve all ties between the two genders. Man wishes to come to a peaceful agreement. One that satisfies both sides. For we know that as a gender, man cannot live with women, and we cannot live without her. So let woman take these grievances into consideration as we take hers into consideration as well. So that we can forever live in harmony, and respect for each other and our differences. For man cannot blame woman for her faults of lacking the proper "y" chromosome.