Today's Tarvupost is about the awful Barvu and the silly religion of Barvuism.
BARVU
Also known as Barvil, Bunbun, Barhutty, Uvrat, The Undecider, Brumhubst, Decode 9, Sserill, Earl B, The Decalibrator, Unvilh, Umvilh, Invitrion, Hul-Jiv-Mon-Mon-Barvaqqian, The Risible Decrimination Unifier, the Twenty Third, Nuxx-Noxx-Fiddy-Fantaastum, or Sutton Bill.
Barvu was Tarvu's evil alter ego that emerged when Tarvu turned 23. Sick of fickle people, and their greed, Tarvu turned his back on all that was good and became Barvu, (lit. trans. 'Lord of all that is slanted')
For one year Barvu wreaked havoc accross much of the region, causing floods, volcanoes to erupt, birds to drop from the sky and gold prices to plummet.
His motto was the exact opposite of his motto as Tarvu. It was 'Numfitty noonah' or 'Don't be nice'.
BARVUISM
From Barvu emerged a new cult (some modern day adherents term it a religion) named Barvuism. Barvuism espoused pretty much all that is bad in the world, such as a lack of personal hygiene, extra marital affairs, noise pollution, lewd dancing, gambling and over-eating.
Unfortunately Barvuism has survived to this day, and from the late 1960s on, became something quite 'fashionable'. The pop group, The Rolling Stones flirted with Barvuism for a while, whereas the singer and drummer Phil Collins is a well-known and active Barvuist to this day.
To become a Barvuist, one need only say Barvu's Prayer.
It is not 100% clear as to what Barvuists actually believe, as their holy book, The Barvunty is a pretty imcomprehensible piece of work. On top of this, there are many differing Barvuist sects, each one having different beliefs.
Broadly speaking, Barvuists believe:
- Barvu is the true God
- One should not eat fruit or vegetables
- Water should be drunk with sugar in it
- When you die, Barvu makes love to you, and you bear his spirit children
- One should never give to charity
- One should never particpate in team sports
- Stealing is a virtue
The Barvuist 'holy' book is called the Barvunty.
THE BARVUNTY
Allegedly written by Barvu himself (during the time when Tarvu became Barvu), the Barvunty sets out Barvuist rules for living. Written from left to right and backwards, the Barvunty was actually most probably written some time after Tarvu left the Earth. Most scholars attribute this work to a Barvuist named 'Shirtless Bub' (Bub-lratittin), who was a well-known pick-pocket at the time.
Whoever the true author may be, the Barvunty remains an extremely turgid book, full of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors (for example, there is no punctuation whatsoever) and curse words.
The book is made up of 3 separate books:
1. Barvil; which deals with behaviour towards others (including a set of swear words to be applied to your parents)
2. Barvus; which deals with issues of finance, suggesting one steals, and commits arson in order to get rich.
3. Barvalliton; an inconherent mixture of letters, numbers and scribblings, which some have taken to be a code for mankind. Many scholars have tried to 'crack' this code, but most have failed. However the Swedish Barvuist author Treh Lansi-Barv, has claimed to have deciphered the third book of the Barvunty, but has so far refused to reveal its contents. It is reported that he has asked for $20 million to hand over his translation. Not surprisingly, no one has come forward with the money.
The original Barvunty was written in horse and (some have said) human excrement. Copies of the Barvunty are still on sale today in certain bookshops, but thankfully, are now printed in ink.
hey its a game!
and you are in this classic map ppsc anon.
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