EOG: WTA Anon Gunboat-2

S01: Turkey. Standard opening. Fundamental Principle of Gunboat: Don't pick your target before someone else picks you as theirs.

A01: Looks like Russia could use this advice. Could you be a little less equivocally anti-Turkish? And what exactly are you hoping to accomplish with the fleet in Armenia, spit on me? That fleet will be gone by A02. Italy looks anti-Austrian so I'll signal for an AT alliance.

W01: Boy, I guess my neighbors just don't believe in the Fundamental Principle. Russia picks its target before Austria picks Russia as its target at the same time Italy picks Austria as its target. [And meanwhile England apparently picked Russia too.] Russia will probably try to make peace... I'll have none of it until that fleet is gone. Building F Con and if I don't see F Sev I can go to AES.

S02: Add to the list: England is rewarded for NTH -> SKA with French build F Brest... Same plan, let's nuke the fleet in Armenia and decide what to do from there.

A02: ...okay, what the fuck is going on here? Let me see if I have this right.

England: Blitzkrieging into Scandinavia with 3/4 units while using F Lon to defend against an uncommitted France. Leaving NTH completely open to German incursion.
France: Tactics need improvement (should have moved Spa -> Gas and supported Mar -> Bur so Pic S Bel, Gas S Bur), but at least the decision was reasonable -- England is leaving itself wide open, why not make a move north?
Germany: While I would have pounced on a wide-open NTH (reading England's push into Scandinavia), I can't fault it for setting up anti-French. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's more than a defensive precaution. I'm expecting to see the fleet in NTH to keep France from outflanking. Not a bad decision from the Fundamental Principle standpoint, but I don't see the path for expansion.
Italy: Broke the Fundamental Principle, but if anyone is allowed to it's Italy, and to be fair, Italy's move was right: Austria is going to collapse pretty soon with Italy holding most of the spoils.
Austria: Nothing quite like continuing to fight Russia while getting ripped apart by Italy. Austria broke the Fundamental Principle in a big way, and is a classic example here of why doing so is a bad idea.
Russia: Well... you targeted me, and lost Warsaw in 1901 and are surely going to lose St. Petersburg and Sweden in 1902 for it. Fundamental Principle.

In short, I'm extremely disappointed in this crowd. I know there are some high-quality players in here, and I can only assume that they're playing Italy and Germany (France also qualifies), because I'm extremely underwhelmed with the play from the other countries. You cannot do well in gunboat by attacking first if you have an idle neighbor!

W02: England pulls back to deal with France, having taken Sweden, though provking Germany at a BAD time by going for Denmark; Russia recuperates from losing Sweden by regaining Warsaw; Germany attacks Belgium as France attacks England as England attacks Germany in Denmark; Austria looks on the verge of utter collapse... and I misorder a convoy to Rumania, and worse, Austria doesn't even keep it, so I can't be pro-Russian and take Rumania anymore. Dammit. Rumania might be a blessing in disguise; Russia's not tempted to take it back from me if I don't have it to begin with, is he? You'd think that for a Russia who somehow managed to alienate 3/4 neighbors by A01 that petty one-center shots like Rumania would be would have been a dumb idea... but you really can't tell with people sometimes.

I'll have to see the build from Italy, I expect A Ven. I hope A Ven. I'll work with Russia belatedly to take the fight to a strong, unopposed Italy... I think Russia learned its lesson.

The West is still a clusterfuck, and the East is clear enough: Italy has to be suppressed, sooner rather than later.

S03: Meanwhile, 500 error. If my miss in Rumania gets followed up with an NMR thanks to the server... *sigh*

Game plan is to support self to Greece, banking on Serbia being attacked or busy. Followed with a convoy to Bulgaria I should be fine. Hopefully I can nab Serbia and Greece and get the fleets I need to take the fight to Italy; if the Russians join up in Gal-Bud then we should be able to push Italy back. France being tied up is unfortunate in that no one will bail us out if we lose, but if we win then no one's in the way. Putting my fate on my shoulders... I wouldn't have it any other way.

In other news, 503 error this time. The last time this came up kestas was putting in the Mute feature and there was no impact on the game. Maybe he's changing something.

500 error now. Hmm.

And we're back! Plan seems viable still. Looks like Austria is finally going to give all it's got to KOing Italy. Works for me.

A03: Russia... come on, man. We both know that fleet needs to stay in Sevastopol. I'll help you get the army in. Italy slides to EMS a turn ahead of schedule, which is disappointing but not entirely shocking. I'm kind of surprised that Italy made peace then... probably a ploy to get Budapest in the fall, especially because he has to know I'm going for Serbia. I'm going to signal for him to get out of EMS, knowing full well it's probably not going to happen. If he swipes Smyrna, odds are good that I'm getting +2, so I can build F Con anyway. If all else fails I can keep him out anyway. And I'd think he was going to follow up EMS with TYS -> ION, not WMS... we'll see how it goes.

Well, now I'm reconsidering. I strongly suspect Italy is not after me, but if he is, giving up Smyrna and risking not getting Serbia (and going a net +0) would be bad. I'll cover Smyrna and see how it goes.

W03: Turned out to be an excellent call. Italy finished off Austria... and provoked France and me simultaneously. This is either utter crassness or sheer brilliance... depending on what Russia does. Whatever happens I know I'm not giving up the Black Sea. Especially seeing as how Russia still hasn't put armies in place to go after Italy. *sigh*

I should be able to stall Italy out of my territory and dominate the seas, but I'm concerned about my ability to defend Serbia and Greece. I'm expecting a play for Albania in the spring so he can get his armies into place to KO Serbia and Greece in the fall. It's what I'd do -- expect Turkey to defend Serbia and work from there -- but then again, I also wouldn't provoke all my neighbors at once, so maybe Italy doesn't think like me.

In other news, Scandinavia and the West is still an unholy clusterfuck of epic proportions.

S04: Here goes. Self-standoff in Albania; hopefully Russia got the signals and will get an army into Rumania and help me out with Serbia if I lose it. Meanwhile I'm going to pummel Italy in the open waters. Should be fun.

Meanwhile England quits. Not surprised. The play was not stellar; sadly those two figures seem to correlate. Still, this could bode badly for me -- Russia will be allowed to get two in Scandinavia, which means if he doesn't come firmly down on my side I'm stuck between RI.

A04: Dammit, Russia, get your stupid fleet out of Rumania. It's completely useless there. I don't know how many times I have to gunboat-say it before you get the friggin' picture. l2tactics

Then again, why the fuck am I talking? I just got owned by an Italy stupid enough to attack three [counting Galicia as an attack on Russia*] powers at once (although Serbia was, in retrospect, an inevitable loss, unless Russia had put an army in Ukraine). The good news is that I can bear a loss of a unit (only just) and draw up the defenses with Bul/AES S Gre, EMS H. That even leaves me Black Sea to play with (read: help Russia). Meanwhile let's get rid of that fleet in Syria if we can... I'm counting on Italy being really aggressive here and sending Serbia to Greece with ION support, Trieste backfilling Serbia. It's what I would do. (I should stop following this...) I'll cut ION support for attacks on Greece or Eastern Mediterranean and try to take Serbia and Syria back.

*: We know exactly where that thing was headed. He'd have ripped Rumania if he got half the chance.

W04: What the hell is France doing? Support yourself into MAO... you remember how to do that, right?

At least Russia came down on my side but FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST MOVE YOUR FUCKING FLEET OUT OF RUMANIA AND PUT A NOT-USELESS ARMY THERE JESUS FUCK.

This game has already stalled out unless a couple of powerfully-placed bozos can stop being bozos long enough to capitalize. I still can't believe Italy was allowed to get away with such blatant provocation.

S05: Probably going to have to go defensive. Sigh. I'll attack Ionian Sea until he fills Albania, then I'm going to have to stop.

Too much lag ugh

Meanwhile looks like France might actually have to worry about something! A Ven -> Pie, anyone? I wonder if Germany takes the opportunity... this should be interesting. And Russia's build is promising, if he would FINALLY MOVE HIS FLEET OUT OF RUMANIA JESUS FUCK.

Russia is calling for a draw... that's interesting. I feel like this game could go somewhere if A CERTAIN COUPLE OF PEOPLE IN BLUE AND PURPLE could FIGURE OUT THE OBVIOUS MOVES TO MAKE and FINALLY GET SOME PROGRESS ON THE GREEN BASTARD (and maybe Germany too).

A05: STOP GIVING ME 500 ERRORS JACKASSES UGGGGGGGHHHHH

Russia's calls for a draw go completely unheeded. I'm going to wait until next spring (after he builds from Sweden) and then move out of Black Sea to ge tthe force needed to pop Ionian Sea. France, you better not be a moron about Marseilles. The last thing I need is Italy reinforcing Ionian Sea.

Germany NMRs due to 500 errors, I'm sure, but it's not a big deal. All it did was ensure Russia gets another army in Warsaw. Which could actually be a big deal, maybe. Actually I think he'll go F Stp (nc) and make a run at Edinburgh, since Germany got stuck by the English fleets and by having an army in Denmark (lol, so useless).

W05: No time to write, couldn't even see the phase because of 500 errors lolololol

S06: Oh hey, an England appeared. That should be interesting.

OH HEY, I GOT IONIAN SEA. HOLY SHIT. GG Italy, just hang on until I slide my fleet from Black Sea over--

OH HEY LOOK A CONVOY TO APULIA. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. Eden, you are TOO cool.

==500 500 errors later...==

A06:

Convoy to Apulia success.

http://www.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/1307943_o.gif

LOL ITALY VOTING DRAW gtfo out of here with that weak shit

Naples ia a goner, I'll help Russia retake Rumania and try for Serbia... this thing should be rolling right along.

Meanwhile Scandinavia returns to being a clusterfuck... looks vaguely like an EG forming, which is good news for me. This is going to be a long game, but at least it's moving now -- and moving right where I want it to go.

W06: GRAH. I knew that was too good to be true. No worries... Italy is forced to disband now, Russia is still on the defensive despite this.

Why the fuck are you all voting draw now? Jesus, there are six peple alive. Learn not to fight all your neighbors at the same time and maybe you wouldn't have to quit.

S07: Excellent. I think I'm going to take a chance and convoy a second army into Italy. That'll bypass the guesswork with whether or not to support Apulia or Ionian Sea into Naples. Venice could cut support, but it'd take a ballsier Italy than this one to leave Rome open like that. We'll see.

Russia shit you better not NMR on me. And everyone voting draw? Russia gets in ordes, but seriously guys, fuck this six-way draw.

A07: Double convoy into Italy success.

http://files.sharenator.com/maximum_trolling_I_CHALLENGE_YOU-s720x480-142118-475.jpg

Still can't believe you people want a 6-way. Fuck that shit. I'm taking Italy down at a minimum. Looks like Russia's in some shit too, but that's okay, I'm about to completely and utterly destroy Italy's homeland, and then I'll come around and help wipe out his Balkan presence. Just hang in there for me, babe. At least you can swap Warsaw for Sweden.

W07: Wow, somebody pissed Italy off. And it wasn't me. lol. That whole clusterfuck in the neutral zone was pretty cool. Retreating to Adriatic Sea, have fun with that one, big guy.

So what am I going to build, anyway? If he keeps Ionian Sea I'll need two fleets in Con/Smy. That's probably enough to sweep Italy and move into Marseilles/Spain/Portugal, thinking longer term. And the builds from there can get me the armies I'll need to make progress in the Balkans. This should work out alright.

I maintain that you people can't be fucking serious about this six-way. I find it really funny that the one who led the draw is now calling for it not to be a draw...

S08: Alright, retake Ionian Sea (lol fuck Greece that debt-ridden rotten piece of crap can get green and sick and die for all I care), try for Venice and establish naval dominance... I might even get to keep Greece in the end, but at a minimum I can trade it for Tunisia.

A08:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_0pzwKzvSMbo/Sq-fXd4IMxI/AAAAAAAAAuA/Hm-SbrR4m-M/s400/dilbert2.jpg

I'll help Russia back into Rumania, but damn, Italy. Thanks for not retreating into Greece OR Tunisia. That was a pair of freebies.

Now then. Let's grab Tunisia, maybe Venice too, get some armies out and try to make a winning push.

The West looks fucking hilarious. England trades his homeland for Iberia. Nice. I'll use Naples to signal my next intended target to Russia and see if Russia picks up on it. (And rage hard if Russia decides to take the retreat to Ank...)

Russia wants a draw AGAIN? Come ON. I'm inclined to wait until he's dead to draw.

W08: YOU REALLY JUST DID THAT SHIT. WOW.

Sucks for you, I was going to keep working with you, too. And unless you make a brazen move to Constantinople I guarantee you you're not keeping what you took from me, either. But ohhh boy it doesn't stop there, either. I've got the forces in place to pull a couple more units back.

Wrong move, Russia. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

And in fairness, I might have done the same. Anything to stay afloat... except that, you know, you could have just blown up the southern fleet with your disband and things would have been alright. If you really think you're going to get any sympathy from me (including getting Rumania back) then you've got another thing comin'.

S09: Wait, where did that build in Venice come from? I thought Italy looked a little sparse... huh. Oh well. He's stuck right now so no big deal. Meanwhile I'll keep trying for Venice (anything to keep him occupied!) and go take Ankara back. I hope they're not serious about the Draw this time. I am not taking a six-way draw, how many times am I going to have to shout that to myself before they get it?!

A09: Oops, I accidentally blocked Black Sea... actually that probably worked for the better, all things considered. I'll go move into Armenia, defend Bulgaria/Greece/Naples and keep Venice. I'm a little worried about letting him into Ionian Sea but honestly I've got a lot going on here... hmm. Actually, I'll support Russia into the Black Sea and take Ankara behind him. If he goes to Constantinople as I half-expect, I'll still have a build and an open spot (in Smyrna) if I move Smy -> Ank. If he goes to Black Sea, he's out of my hair and I get plenty of builds with which to come kick Italy's ass.

Time to peek west... yep, still an unholy clusterfuck, I'm gonna keep going.

Still the only holdout on the draw.

http://www.publicorgan.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/u-mad1.jpg
http://www.pawsru.org/f/src/f113675_umad.jpg
http://forum.lostpedia.com/picture.php?albumid=1374&pictureid=15216

W09: OH NICE I LEFT NAPLES WIDE OPEN GOOD PLAY EDEN GOOD PLAY. fuck.

Still got a build, and Russia's out of my hair next turn! Yay! (well, mostly.)

And Italy has a disband... NO WAIT A RETREAT TO ARMENIA OH SHIT. That would be really annoying. I wish Russia would STOP TAKING ALL MY HOME CENTERS NOW.

The good news: No matter where Italy disbands, it's bad for him. His best disband is probably Armenia, honestly, simply because he can't really realistically risk losing his strangehold on the northern Balkans or pull another unit away from his attempt to retake Venice. He knows he's on borrowed time so he'll get rid of Armenia, let Rumania fall to the Russians and recoup the lost center with Venice. Which means it's even more on me to take Constantinople back.

Also, the epic collapse of France is hilarious. Good play England. Wish you hadn't quit, but then again it was probably the 500 errors.

S10: Good call. I can't believe we're in this position after S10. C'est la vie.

Venice is going to fall, so I'll drop back to Rom/TYS/ION and defend Rome from the Italians while I retake Constantinople and get deployed in force around MY home. Hopefully Italy uses all three units on Venice.

A10: ...WAT
WHY ARE YOU IN NORTH AFRICA LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEE
is it not obvious I have enough to worry about without you meddling kids
Russia, please disband the fleet now. You don't need it. You know you don't need it. And I would love the opportunity to finally rip the Balkans out from under Italy. It would help if you weren't in my hair so much. Thanks. -Eden

Oh but of COURSE you won't. Fine. You'll just disband it this winter, I'm sure.

Meanwhile time to handle England somehow... seriously, what the fuck is this shit? Why can't ANYONE besides me learn not to pick a fight with everyone at the same time? Shouldn't you put that army in Spain where it belongs?

This is hard to predict because I can't afford to give up Ionian Sea... but Italy might cut the support that I need to bounce England. I'll put trust in England not being stupid enough to surrender Spain for sake of taking Tunisia.

Or I could support myself to Tunisia and bounce Ionian Sea and keep Greece. Let's do that.

W10: BOOM! Now to rally back. I've got guaranteed access to the Black Sea and can resecure Rumania in the fall... assuming Russia keeps the fleet, and he might not! If he doesn't then I can probably rip Sevastopol by autumn. I should finally be able to break the damn bottleneck around my land here while keeping the riff-raff in Italy contained. It's a slow battle, but I knew that when I looked around and saw I was leading with eight centers in 1910. This requires patience... patience which I have.

S11: Russia kept the fleet... and disbanded an army vital to his defense against Germany...

http://www.funnypictureblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/NotSureIfSerious.jpg

No matter. Same game plan as before. Take Black Sea to force the fleet to go away (and give Russia a build elsewhere), recapture Bulgaria with an army... and I think I'll start funnelling armies through into Bulgaria to finally make progress into the Balkans. Sevastopol can wait.

Meanwhile, boring defensive maneuvers around Italy. Sigh. England should seriously have not bothered me with North Africa, not very nice...

I see I'm still the only draw holdout.

http://emotibot.net/pix/417.jpg

A11: ZOOMZOOMVAVROOM! OUT GOES THE ARMY OUT OF MY HAIR! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAAAAAAH

wait why is Germany in Galicia/Tyrolia...

Oh well! Time to finish off this Italian bastard. Maybe if I wait a bit then England will leave himself open. If I can get done with Italy then I can make a decisive push into Marseilles and Iberia... and then I have good solo prospects. ...Even though the board has been whining for a draw for about 5 years straight now. Yeah.

I know for certain that I am accepting no more than a 4-way. Italy is on his last legs and France is a ripe fruit waiting to be plucked... there is no reason for me to accept a draw with any more than four.

W11: Well, I tried to help him as best I could with destroying that useless fleet. And I can defend Sevastopol perpetually (though I won't, I have better things to do here). Now it's looking 3-way EGT. And with Germany so far beyond the stalemate line already I might be able to invite England to stab late and make my own solo push. We'll see.

But consideration for my solo push has to wait until no earlier than my dusting off the Italian peninsula. Isolated resistance in the Balkans is fine but that peninsula has got to chill so I can make my move into Marseilles and Iberia. I think I'll even prop France up to make it happen... not only will that be infuriating to England, but I'll earn a friend who I can pick off later. Janissary strategy, I think I heard it called once.

And there I go again. "Has to wait until Italy," sentence pause, "how to push into Iberia." Turkish sultans have to have foresight to win, but they also can't lose sight of what's in front of them.

S12: This should be a straightforward year. France is fighting the good fight... though for how long... armies in Munich and London are probably going to put poor France out of its misery. I might be drawing up a stalemate line instead of pushing the Mediterranean. Shame, because I think that's probably going to cost me the win. I wonder if my innocuous speed is enough to tempt England and Germany into stabbing each other. If they don't do it then no one's going to win. If they do, they might win; it'll probably be me, but hopefully they'll see it's their only chance to win and miss the innocuous yellow blob in the corner.

A12: ...well, that's not how I would have drawn it up. I still can't believe France saw such a drastic reversal of fortunes. This really does sadden me. England and Germany are cooperating fantastically. Yikes. At least I have Venice guaranteed and perhaps Serbia as well. I'll go setup to see if I can't bail out France somehow, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. From the looks of it I might only just be able to set up my own defenses... never mind breaking through the line to help... but I'm going to try!

W12: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5es0NNtSNCU

And now if you'll excuse me, I have a metric shitload of armies to spam into the heart of the Balkans and Austria.

Meanwhile STICK IT TO 'EM RUSSIA AND FRANCE AWWWW YEAAAAAH I'M COMIN' TO HELP BROS

S13: Italy keeps the fleet. No big deal, I'm pretty sure I'm about to give France some timely assistance. Italy's only shot is ADS -> ION -> Tun; I'll let it happen, Tunisia can be picked off later whereas France needs help NOW. Meanwhile it appears that German is leaving Vienna conspicuously vulnerable... if he overcommits to helping England with France then he's really asking for it. He'll probably try to deal with the Russians in Berlin. More time for me.

FRANCE DON'T YOU QUIT ON ME NOW DAMMIT

A13: ...aww, dammit. This could actually get really bad really quick. Fuck France, quitting little jerk bailed on me at the worst possible moment. I'll just have to commence pummeling the Balkans. Italy dies, at least. That's good. I can probably get up to 15 centers pretty easily, but barring a stab--

OH LOOK AT THAT ENGLAND JUST STABBED GERMANY IN SWEDEN

wait a minute what is this England get that damn Draw vote out of here

HEY NUMBNUTS FINALIZE YOUR RETREATS. THANKS.

Spent a minute correcting date errors on my EOG. Orders not turned in. I'm gonna kick myself if I NMR.

Hmm, nothing to do with Venice... TROLLIN' TIME. Let's get up into Tyrolia, that should make Germany shit his pants a little bit.

NO. I AM NOT DRAWING AT SIX. STOP. FUCKING. ASKING. ME. TURKEY RAAAAAAAAAEG

W13: Interesting. I guess England thought he could win?

And France is back. Fascinating. Would have been nice to see you last turn, wise guy. I could even have cut support to GoL and would have had you, y'know, been there... *sigh*

No worries, even with the fuck up misorder to Serbia instead of Budapest. I think the goal here is going to be to put an army or two behind the stalemate line before it shows up -- that or sneak a fleet by MAO. Either way... let's roll.

S14: That damn Italian fleet. Ugh. Maybe England will leave me alone... doubt it, but one can hope.

Gotta love Russia withdrawing his Draw vote. And England's stupid stab of Germany. Please keep screwing around. Thanks.

Observation: "Rainbow in the Dark" takes on new meaning when you're the only one without a draw vote. And in a gunboat without a voice... the Italian demon won't let me go, either. Maybe it's the acid. Yeah, I blame the acid.

A14: lmao @ German NMR and bounce in Aegean. Goodnight, Italy. I'd say good game, but... no. lol.

Meanwhile I'm gonna pick off Vienna/Budapest/Sevastopol now. Any objections? No? That's what I figured. Wonderful. I probably have the land forces to overwhelm Warsaw and Moscow and Munich to win this thing. Bad stab by England. Bad stab.

LOL GERMANY QUITTING YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'M NOT DRAWING THIS

W14: ...DAMMIT ITALY

No matter. The enemy lacks the armies to hold Germany. I will not be denied.

Man, they're dropping like flies. How long have I been AT this gunboat, anyway? Two hours now, I think? Well, no matter. I have the win in two years, tops, unless Germany miraculously comes to life. Can't say I blame him for getting mad. England singlehandedly cost them the game, even if Germany lived it would be in question as to whether they had the land forces to fight me off.

S15: Oh look, now you all want to draw.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llmx8x2wos1qe2ye5o1_400.jpg

Munich, Warsaw and Moscow are shoe-ins. I still need to try for Tunisia, but Berlin suffices.

A15: Yeah, there's really nothing to say here. They can't stop Berlin or Moscow falling to my forces.

W15: Going double armies, one to put in Sevastopol to grab Moscow, another to victory lap to Brest (or at least try).

S16: lol @ auto-adjudicator disbanding Moscow. That's just insult to injury.

And strike the victory convoy to Brest... make it Spain. I forgot England didn't fill in WMS.

A16: Gotta love it when people with one forced disband retreat left to enter for the whole game decide to quit and make us wait five minutes. Awesome.

Anyway, England tried its damndest but isn't going to stop me. That's game.

Oh, there's Russia. Thanks, man.

Finish this off, support hold Berlin, take a potshot at St. Pete's for the lulz, spasmodic convoy everywhere with every army that can that isn't preoccupied with holding (Ber). GG.