Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

I've heard a variation of that:

In Heaven, The French are the cooks, The British are the police, the Italians are the lovers, and the Germans organize it all. In Hell, the British are the cooks, the French are the police, the Germans are the lovers, and the Italians organize it all.

An American salary? Wouldn't that be small?

Not exactly a short joke, but one our British community should appreciate.

http://starrgazr.wordpress.com/2008/02/15/john-cleeses-letter-to-america/

Ah I've read that one before LJ, it's hilarious. haha

The 2010 Dallas Cowboys

Sorry, "John Cleese." Along with modern dentistry, Americans have a thing called Snopes.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

We'll hand over our independence to a less gullible country.

Also, my favorite joke:

Doctor says to a guy, "You have to stop masturbating." Guy says, "Why?" The doctor says, "So I can examine you."

My blonde friend and I went to see monster trucks. The next day she went to the doctor. I asked her WHY? she said after the monster trucks she must of got raped. "Wait why do you think you got raped?" "Because I got fucked in the Ear........I have got Hearing AIDS!!!"

@ Taft - That doesn't make it any less hilarious though.

Variation on the opening Joke from The Dibster, as seen years ago at a Vancouver B.C., Canada small neighbourhood garage:
"We will shock, tire, brake, muffle and exhaust you!"

There's a great sign outside of a garage here that specializes in body repairs:
"Venison on the grille? We can help"

I don't know if this will carry through in writing. But read it out loud and see what happens.

Why can't a preacher tell a joke timing.

I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in two weeks. I'm pretty proud because it says right on the box, "Four to six years."

lol pastoralan to make that joke into an anti humor one all youd have to do is actually tell it with correct timing, nullifying that which was originally supposed to be funny.

the meta-lulz would be then be amplified, more so if it was a preacher telling it.

This is another Emo Phillips joke and one of my favorites:

* Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

Another Emo - I think:

I was walking by a construction site the other day and a guy pounding nails into the wall called me a paranoid little freak ... in Morse Code

+1 for the morse code nails one

I'm afraid to say that I just don't understand the pastor one. Can someone explain it?

It's a joke about all the different Protestant sects and the rivalry between them.

No, sorry, the other earlier *preacher one

Why can't a preacher tell a joke... timing. In other words, preachers have no sense of timing (i.e. their sermons go on and on and on and on and on...)

Lol draug i think its a bit more literal:

pastors attempt jokes during sermons, usually botch them

why botch them?

because they screw up the punchline, often a timing issue.

captured in the idea of something saying the punchline without any pause at all, which is what the punctuation of "why can't a preach tell a good joke timing" is trying to get across via text

make more sense?

Oh I have a GREAT fucking joke...

"An Englishman at an Indian's table in Surat saw a bottle of ale being opened, and all the beer, turned to froth, rushed out. The Indian, by repeated exclamations, showed his great amazement. - Well, what's so amazing in that? asked the Englishman. - Oh, but I'm not amazed at its coming out, replied the Indian, but how you managed to get it all in. - This makes us laugh, and it gives us a hearty pleasure."

...

...

-Immanuel Kant.

lmao

One day, the seven little dwarves approached the Pope, and Dopey stepped forwards. He asked nervously.
"Sir, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"
The pope replied.
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican."
As the other dwarves snicker, dopey asks again.
"But sir, are there any dwarf nuns in Italy?"
The Pope, impatiently responds.
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
The dwarves giggle, and Dopey rasps out again.
"But sir, are there any dwarf nuns in Europe?"
The Pope, annoyed, replies with force.
"NO, Dopey. There are NO dwarf nuns in Europe."
The rest of the dwarves are laughing now, and Dopey, perspiring, asks again.
"Please, are there any dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope, angrily, shouts at him.
"No! There are NO dwarf nuns in the world!"
From behind Dopey, the rest of the dwarfs are rolling on the floor, crying with laughter, chanting: "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!"

'Dopey fucked a penguin!' That was *great*! I was wondering where it was going.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

here's a joke :http://webdiplomacy.net/board.php?gameID=40354#gamePanel
lol

Hmmmm.....

lol pl3th0n