well, if you're in a desert, lettuce will probably have some water in it...

if you were a picket fence what color would you be and why

@FatherSnitch - I'm a diabetic and diet Sierra Mist, diet 7-Up, and diet Cola get boring after a while.

Just took several hours to get a hyper three year old to bed; will respond tomorrow

Don't talk about hyper 3 year olds till you have one cut an electric cord when it's still plugged in.

how did they get their hands on something sharp enough to cut a cord?

>if you were a picket fence what color would you be and why

Gray, because that's the standard color of lead, and lead cladding would be the best way to shield my Telsa Death Fence of Dooom from sensors.

How many people on this site jealously and fearfully protect their anonymity?

I would say a decent chunk - some for general paranoia, and some because one thing that's become abundantly clear is anything you post *will* come back to haunt you - hence the reason I don't rant about work issues anywhere I can't lock it down

STRAT! ADVICE!

Talk nice to women or talk dirty?

Depends on the woman, but *usually* you want to start out talking nice. Talking 'dirty' requires knowing what does it for them - saying 'hey baby, how about I tie you down and rub fur all over you' and getting the response 'uhhh... ALLERGIC to fur! Asshole!' is a no-go.

And, seriously - if a woman is going to get all melty if you talk dirty to her right out the gate, all it takes is someone who can talk dirtier to her to steal her away. You gotta build up to this shit, man!

@strat: What would you write if I asked for a short autobiography, focusing on educational professional and career choices?

Short?
Started working at 16. Worked retail for a decade, then moved on to business-oriented stuff. Was an independent consultant for awhile, then worked full time with a consulting firm, and back on my own now. Spent *far* too long doing retail, but I'm hardly the only person who spent too long paralyzed by the fear of change. Not quite sure how to get to the next level in my career. Studying for a CBAP now.

Educationally - fucked around at a JC for nearly five years part time (while working) before getting my act together and getting my AA. Transferred to a CSU, got a BA in History in two years. Realized that a BA in History is pretty much worthless in the job market; transferred to the business program and got my MBA in two more years. As I was getting my MBA realized I could get a whole nother Masters degree by taking 18 more units - took another two years because I started getting a social life around then - prior to that my social life was pretty much nonexistent, primarily because I had always been an outcast and didn't fit in at school. Landed with another group of outcasts, which helped me build the self confidence to move on.

Of course, I have no social life again, but that is primarily because I have a three year old ;)

Wow, sounds interesting though.

now this is a story all about how--

ok strat,
where do you find a dog with no legs?

on the floor. duh.

@fig - you asked for the short version. That eliminates the agnst monkeyness ;)

@vexlord - I think the real answer is "Wherever you last left him."

It was a good answer to my question.
Assuming any of it was true.
Well even then it was a good answer - I was interested

Mom put down the scissors for moment to do something else. As you know 3yr olds instictively know if there is an opportunity to get in trouble.

@fig - it was true in the sense that everything I said was accurate - it's just not the whole story ;)

@war - OH yes, I know this *very* well...

ok strat you did well with that, Draug did better tho. however can you tell me how do crazy people navigate through a forest?

Let me just go ahead and dump all these out now:

How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

STRAT! STRAT!

How do you say no to religious activists on the street!?

'Really? You want me to convert? Does your faith include orgies? If so, are the participants more attractive than you? Because, honestly, I aint gonna do you, even if it meant getting closer to God...'

Strat! Strat! I think I've found the love of my life right here on webdip! How do I deal with this, o experienced one in all such matters?

Yes ava, I do :)