You know what, screw it, what's the worst that will happen if I post a joke that offends someone? I might get chewed out a little. OK here goes. Also I thought of a third joke as well. (oh, oddly all these jokes involve animals from cold climates. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a Canadian thing)
Joke the first.
A man is posted to a research station high up in the Canadian Tundra. Everyone else at the station is male, so naturally after a few months he starts to find himself getting lonely. Then one day something strange happens. The supervisor makes an announcement over the radio "Caribou! Caribou!" All his fellow researchers run outside and following them, he sees them all making love to the herd of migrating caribou. Disgusted he goes back inside and tries to forget about the incident. A year goes by with no similar incident. By this time, he's going crazy, and decides that this time when the caribou call comes around, he'll go for it. Sure enough a few days later the supervisor's announcement comes. "Caribou! Caribou!" This time our guy is the first one outside. He grabs the first caribou he sees, and begins running his fingers through its hair, caressing its back, and so on. Looking around he sees the rest of the team simply staring at him in disgust. "What!" he says, "You've all done it, I've seen you! Don't judge me!" The supervisor simply shakes his head and replies "Yeah, but that is the ugliest caribou I've ever seen."
Joke the second
A penguin is driving through the desert when suddenly one of his tires bursts. Luckily he is near a gas station and he manages to pull in. As his car is getting fixed, he wanders into the convenience store and sees they are selling ice cream, so he gets a small carton of his favourite flavour; vanilla. He sits on the curb and starts to eat his ice cream, however being a penguin, he doesn't have opposable thumbs and so he cannot use a spoon, and is forced to scoop the ice cream out with his flippers. Naturally this does not work very well, and, it being the desert, the ice cream quickly melts. In short order he is covered in melted vanilla ice cream. Dejected, hot, covered in sticky white goop, he sits on the curb feeling sorry for himself. Soon the mechanic walks out to talk to him. "Did you find out what was wrong with my car?" the penguin asks. "Yeah" says the mechanic "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "No dammit! It's vanilla ice cream!"
And finally joke the third.
A stereotypical Texan manly man finds himself in a bar, in a remote town in Alaska. He's soon drunk and begins obnoxiously bragging about the manliness of those from his home state. In order to teach him a lesson the local bar patrons challenge him to prove his worth as a man. "First" they say "you have to drink a whole bottle of local, home brewed hooch. Then you have to go out into the tundra and kill a polar bear. And then you have to make love to an Inuit woman." "Fine! I'll do that no problem." The Texan says. He is presented with a bottle of moonshine, and he quickly downs it all in one. Without another word he runs out of the bar. Hours later he returns, scratched, bitten, bruised and bloodied. Panting, he says "OK, now where's that Eskimo woman you want me to kill?"
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What ARE Ghost Ratings, anyway?
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