I get all my air from sealed canisters I have shipped from Dubai.

Well, I'm with the Republicans on this one:

PUBLIC and FREE air?

Come on, now...that's just government trying to do too much...

PRIVATIZED Air is the way to go, I mean, if you can't afford air, why should you even bother livi--*ack....acckkkkkk*

I'm a supercomputer. I laugh at all of you who need air.

*unplugs the air-cooling system that PE uses*
Haha see how you go without air!

*already shocked Gobbledydook dead for touching the outer protective panels near the wiring*

*Daaaave...I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave...*

The government wastes trillions of dollars a year providing air, regulating the photosynthetic process. I personally can't defend breathing, anyone who does it clearly lacks the backbone to not bow to the whims of big government.

My brain is in a jar of electrolytic fluids attached to an pump that provides a plasma like substance with all the nutrients my brain needs. It communicates to the machine I call a body via a neural network that includes all the functions needed to keep the pump sending nutrients, to supply the pump with those nutrients, and to allow me to interact with and have an influence on the world.

Draugnar, is this pump called a 'heart'?

Very good, orathaic. You got it first try.

Speaking of regulating air..

I'll need to see everyone's carbon credits for all the CO2 you've produced for the past year. I've got some hefty fines for those of you who fail to show valid permits for producing CO2.

See, I've started a private corporation that contracts for the government to enforce carbon credits and regulate CO2 production.
My plan is to make tons of money off of this government regulation. My buisness model? Fertilizer. I convert all non-compliant CO2 producers into food for rain forests and then sell the surplus carbon credits I get for turning all that CO2 into O2. I can claim huge amounts of CO2 converted because I can count all future CO2 that would have been produced by the various individuals (especially the energy corporation CEO's I harvest) as CO2 converted to O2.

It's best of both worlds. I can get filthy rich off of government regulation. Screw the capitalists and the socialists. I can have it both ways.

Oh and in case any of you are thinking about black market CO2 production, I've got that cornered already. With my capital investment funds, I've purchased a large number of south pacific volcanos (under the guise of purchasing capital equiment, namely rainforest), and plan to flood the CO2 market via induced volcanism should any competition threaten my black market activities.

Sucka's!!! Defend breathing now!

(Now if only I could break in to the troll weed black market I'd be set.)

The problem, Leif, is that the conversion of human bodies to fertilizer produces inordinate amounts of methane that are destroying the ozone layer and wastes valuable phosphates, making your business more destructive to the environment than the bodies it is converting.

If you can find a way to recycle the lost phosphates and add them to your fertilizer and capture the ethane for use as heating and cooking gas, then maybe your business planw ill work.

Oh, and I planted enough trees and plants at the new house this past week to cover my 500kgs of CO2 as long as they live, so I didn't need any carbon credits. Carbon credits are only for those companies producing more CO2 than the plants the own and grow can convert.

Hey the government doesn't regulate the phosphates or methane so I'm good. The third satisfying part of my plan is that I can screw the environment along the way. You see, nothing matters but the insane profits I'll make so I can fly my private jet around without being an evil oil baron... People will hail me as a leader of the green industry and it won't matter that I'm adding methane and wasting phosphates, because I'm reducing CO2 and reducing over population. When my company goes international, all the countries with population problems won't have starvation anymore because I can grow food for the few people left who were rich enough to purchase the carbon permits.

Except your jet's emmisions will be problematic...

I never said I'd produce no carbon myself, but I'll have more than enough carbon credits to pay for my 5 private jets..

Everyone knows that Big Air has Congress in its pocket.

That only makes sense seeing as congress is full of hot air, itself.