I choose you Ponyta!

Enemy PRESIDENT EDEN used EARTHQUAKE GUN!
[Enemy PRESIDENT EDEN is holding item ALEX JONES; all conspiracy theory moves' power is increased 50%]
It's super effective!
PONYTA fainted!

Enemy PRESIDENT EDEN equips RAY GUN and aims it at you. You are holding two TICKETS to the Alanis Morissette concert in one hand and a 40 OZ COLA in the other. There are exits NORTH, EAST, and SOUTH. FIGHT, PARRY or FLEE?

I'm sad no one wants to play my MUD. :-(

Whoooa. People still play MUDs, huh?

PRESIDENT EDEN fires his RAY GUN as you pontificate on the entertainment habits of various acquaintances of yours. -2 HEALTH. FIGHT, PARRY or FLEE?

FIGHT.

You throw your 40 OZ COLA at PRESIDENT EDEN, short circuiting his ray gun, and shocking him. Startled and lacking a weapon, he backs away slowly, exiting NORTH. You have two TICKETS to the Alanis Morissette concert. There are exits NORTH, EAST, and SOUTH.

This thread really tickles my " Funny Cide "

NORTH.

You are blocked from entering the arena by a security GUARD. You have two TICKETS to the Alanis Morissette concert. There are exits NORTH, EAST, and SOUTH.

GIVE GUARD ONE TICKET.

You give a ticket to the security guard and he lets you enter the arena. You have one TICKET to the Alanis Morissette concert. There are exits SOUTH.

JOCKEY

You jockey your way down through the crowd to the front row. You have one TICKET to the Alanis Morissette concert. There are exits SOUTH.

A wild HORSEA appears!

Draugnar, I don't see where you get off both playing and writing the MUD... I'll take your first action as legitimate, and ignore the rest...

You go NORTH. You are in the kitchen of your apartment. You see the shadowy figure of PRESIDENT EDEN continuing to flee NORTH. Glinting from on top of the ISLAND CABINETS, a set of keys catches your eyes. There is also a REFRIGERATOR, with a PAPER stuck to it. There are exits NORTH and SOUTH.

*a set of KEYS

The goal was to use the JOCKEY which worked with the equestrian theme.

http://memearchive.net/memerial.net/page/2276.jpg

Quit horsing around Eden.

I rather enjoyed having a MUD, Draug. :-)

LOOK AT KEYS

You look at the KEYS. On the key ring, there are three keys and a FLASH DRIVE. The first key is large, and has a Toyota engraving on it. The second key is similarly sized, and bears the inscription P-2J-19. The last key is quite small and bears no distinctive markings.

EAT FLASH DRIVE.

You choke and die.
You can either go to HELL or BURNING HELL.

You slip the FLASH DRIVE off they KEY RING, and slowly slip it into your mouth. Tasting that sweet copper taste you've always loved, you slowly start chewing, enjoying your delectable meal. Once you realize that you lack the jaw strength to successfully crush your FLASH DRIVE into digestible proportions, you spit it out on the counter top. -1 FLASH DRIVE, +1 USELESS HUNK OF METAL

TAKE KEYS

You take the KEYS and slip them into your pocket. There is a REFRIGERATOR next to the cabinets, with a piece of PAPER stuck to it. There are exits NORTH and SOUTH. +1 KEYS

PUT KEYS IN REFRIGERATOR.

Despite having the sneaking suspicion you might need the KEYS, you decide to put them in the REFRIGERATOR for safe keeping. -1 KEYS

You open the refrigerator and...

!!!
Wild PRESIDENT EDEN appeared!
PRESIDENT EDEN used BLIZZARD!
It's super effective!
TBROADLEY was frozen!
TBROADLEY blacked out!

TBROADLEY whited out!*

Aw fuck.

@Smiley: there's a lot of "slipping" going on in your MUD...