Assume that you found a lamp, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie says to you "I am a genie with the power to grant you wishes. However, I didn't finish genie school, so I only know how to grant a short list of possible wishes. Also, I am not so strong, so you only get two, not three." The genie then hands you the list of possible wishes, listed below.
The genie is not malevolent and there are no "tricks" in wording or the like: you will get the obvious, standard interpretation of the wishes in plain language. Which two do you choose and why?
A. You lose the physical requirement to eat, drink, and sleep.
-You may still eat and drink for taste or socialization, but you do not feel hunger or thirst, and your body does not physically require sustenance. There is no effect to your caloric balance or weight as a result of this wish; however, if you wish to change your body shape for the better, exercise has a multiplied effect to account for the inability to use diet to change body shape.
-You may still sleep a normal number of hours per day if you wish (to pass the time, for example), but you do not have to, and your body feels perfectly awake if you do not sleep, ever. You do not have any negative effects from lack of dreaming.
B. You gain the ability to toggle personal building collision, with a ten minute "buff" time limit upon each activation, and 24 hours cooldown upon use.
-That is, you can walk through walls if you desire, and can "turn off" or "turn on" your ability to do so at-will, as long as you have not turned it on in the last 24 hours, and each turn on lasts only ten minutes.
-This applies ONLY to buildings. This does not apply to fists coming to your face, bullets flying at you, knives thrust in your direction, et cetera.
-If people eventually figure out your talent, they can build a cage which will contain you normally. However, if even one side of the cage is a wall of a building (as opposed to say, steel bars or chain-link mesh), you can escape.
C. You gain the ability to, every seven days, covertly force someone to answer one question asked of them, by you, completely honestly.
-If they do not know the answer, they will say so.
-If they think they know the answer, they will tell you what they think is the answer without any caveat as to their certainty in the fact.
-A person's answer may not be the objective truth, but is guaranteed to be that person's subjective truth.
-The person answering will not be aware that the fact they are answering goes against their self-interests, if applicable. They will simply respond as if you asked "what time is it?" and think nothing more of the encounter.
D. You gain the ability to, once every twelve months, knowingly reverse time for three minutes.
-Everything on the planet is reversed to the exact point in time three minutes prior to activation. All people who died are no longer dead, all people born are no longer born, all thoughts and revelations had did not happen, et cetera.
-You retain all information about what occurred during that reversed three minutes that you would have otherwise been aware of had you not reverted time. That is, you may know that one minute from now, a gunman will enter the restaurant you are in and start shooting. However, you won't know that some random baby in Australia was born.
-If you are dead, you will obviously be unable to activate this ability.
E. You gain the ability to, once every five minutes, teleport to anywhere in your current field of vision, leaving a puff of smoke behind you and at your new location.
-You must be able to physically see, with only your own vision (glasses are okay), your "target" before activation.
-Everyone in the vicinity who is even remotely coherent will realize what you have done. The puffs of smoke are small, maybe only a couple of feet high, but are clearly visible.
-The smoke in both your "departing" and "arriving" locations lasts only for a few seconds.
F. You lose the requirement to shower/bathe to remain clean and odor-free.
-Your state of external cleanliness and smell will be permanently equal to the moment just after taking a good, long shower.
G. You gain the ability to assume the shape of another human, with a forty-minute "buff" time limit upon each activation, and five days cooldown upon use.
-You will look exactly like they do. However, you will not automatically gain any items related to them, such as their clothing, jewelry, keys, etc. Nothing stops you from physically acquiring them after transformation.
-You do not gain their thoughts, emotions, etc. You will gain only their mass physical skills if applicable (e.g. if you take over Usain Bolt, you can run as fast as he does. -But, if he also knows how to fix cars and you don't, then you won't be able to do so in his form).
-If this person is in a shape that would not work with the clothing you are wearing, then you will finish transformation naked.
-Think "polyjuice potion" but for 40 minutes instead of 60 and without getting the target's clothing in the process.
H. You become immune to the effects of viruses and bacteria.
-Your body will still contain the viruses and bacteria that would otherwise harm you, except for some reason it doesn't. Therefore, communicable diseases will still transmit through normal means to other people.
-Your cells' ability for perfect replication will still become diminished as time goes on. --Any diseases that rely on this as a means to harm you, as opposed to viruses or bacteria, will still harm you as normal.
-All methods of harm and death that do not involve viruses or bacteria apply to you normally.
I. You gain the ability to fly, with a ten-hour "buff" time limit upon each activation, and a three-month cooldown upon use.
-Your flight speed tops out at 150 miles per hour.
-You do not tire from flying. You can fly ten hours straight without fatigue.
-If the time runs out and you are in the air, you will begin to gradually lose speed and altitude. You will never be unable to safely land. Note that once you land, if you land in water in the middle of the ocean, for example, you may have other problems.
-If you are tied down or somehow unable to get outdoors, this power has limited to no use for you.
-You have almost instant acceleration and deceleration for the duration of the buff.
-You do not show up on any military or airport radars.
J. You gain the ability to have extreme physical pacifist strength, with a two-hour "buff" time limit upon each activation, and a one week cooldown upon use.
-Your strength of approximately twice as strong as the strongest human to ever live.
-If you ever attempt to use this strength for offensive or aggressive purposes (e.g. initiating a fight), the buff will immediately fade. (Breaking up fights, though, is perfectly fine.)
-Other than this, you may use the strength for any purpose. You can use it to lift cars if for some reason you wanted to lift cars, etc.
-Your skeletal and muscular appearance does not change.
K. You gain the ability to have extreme mental ability, with a four-hour "buff" time limit upon each activation, and a one week cooldown upon use.
-Your mental abilities are approximately twice as strong as the smartest human to ever live.
-This power does not automatically grant you more knowledge.
-All knowledge acquired during the phase of the buff will remain with you once the buff fades. The intelligent use of that knowledge, however, may be outside your capability. For example, you may know what the chemical formula is for some obscure compound, but that may not be of much use to you unless you know what to do with it.
-The buff is primarily designed with granting intelligence, not knowledge. The buff allows you to "do more with what you know" as opposed to simply "knowing more." ---Of course, higher intelligence allows you to retain and acquire knowledge at faster rates, so this is one potential use of the buff.
-You are granted book/science/math/etc smarts, not street smarts or emotional smarts. Where you can derive enhanced street or emotional smarts, it comes from your increased "normal" smarts.
L. You are granted the ability to, every month, teleport, without any belongings, clothing, food or drink, etc., once to and once from a place called "Location XXX." "Location XXX" is a one-room cottage in the middle of a grassy plain. There is grass (and only grass) in every direction for as far as you can see. Inside "Location XXX" is a non-sentient, non-emotional entity named "Happy" with full subservience that will immediately transform to take on any living creature's shape and texture you desire.
-The primary use of Happy should be obvious. Any secondary uses of Happy are up to you to figure out.
-Humans count as "living creatures" for the purposes of Happy's transformation.
-Happy can transform into the shape of any creature that has ever lived, but cannot transform into a "fictional" creature, or a creature that does not have its basis in fact.
-Happy takes on only the shape, not the memories, emotions, desires, or anything like that of the creature into which it transforms.
-Happy will always be able to transform to the shape of whatever living creature you are imagining at the time, provided you want it to.
-Happy will never resist your desires, and will never question anything you ask it to do.
Anything done to Happy will elicit a reaction normal for whatever creature Happy is emulating at the time. By default, Happy is unable to emulate a specific individual's reactions (it only emulates what it considers to be the "average" or "normal" reaction). However, if you tell Happy to react to a given thing a given way, it will do so. For example, if Happy takes on the form of a specific human, when you cut it's hand off, it will react very negatively. If you tell Happy to laugh while you do it, then it will instead laugh with you.
By default, you should be aware that Happy is fake, non-feeling, and perfectly subservient lacking choice. If you are able to push this out of your mind, that's on you.
The one month cooldown begins upon teleporting away from Location XXX.
There is no inherent time limit on your stay at Location XXX, only that once you leave, you may not return for another month. However, if you require food, for example, there is none at Location XXX.