Hey, you guys want to hear some good jokes?

An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Inuit earnestly, "did you tell me?" ~Annie Dillard


I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!' 'Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!' He said, 'Like what?' I said, 'Well...are you religious or atheist?' He said, 'Religious.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?' He said, 'Christian.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?' He said, 'Protestant.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?' He said, 'Baptist!' I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?' He said, 'Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!' I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off. ~Emo Phillips

Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations. ~Martin Terman

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car. ~Author Unknown

Instead of being born again, why not just grow up? ~Author Unknown

The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it's more like a tired feeling, really. ~Paula Poundstone

I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him. ~Author unknown

Traveler: "God has been mighty good to your fields, Mr. Farmer."
Farmer: "You should have seen how he treated them when I wasn't around."
~Author Unknown

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. ~Winston Churchill

Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. ~Elbert Hubbard

If God dropped acid, would he see people? ~Steven Wright

If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides. ~Old Yiddish Proverb

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. ~H.L. Mencken

An Atheist and a Christian get in a car wreck together. The Atheist sees the Christian's crucifix necklace and begins talking about how lucky they are to be alive, and the Christian says God granted it. The Atheist then says, "To celebrate God keeping his hand of protection on us, let us have a drink of wine together". The Atheist hands the Christian the wine and he takes a big sip then hands it back to the Atheist. The Atheist in turn, without drinking, gives the bottle back to the Christian and says, "No, I'll just wait until the police get here, then I'll celebrate."

This guy needs to win the lottery really badly he thinks it will help get his life on track, so he kneels down to pray. He says" God if you let me win the lottery I will pay my tithe every year and never complain about it." Well he doesn't win.
The next week he gets down on his knees again and says,"God if you just let me win the lottery I will give my tithe and then some to the church and help the local orphans find good loving homes." Well he doesn't win.
The next week he again prays and says,"God I will pay for a modest home and a gently used car and give all the rest to good charities in your name and the church if you just let me win the lottery." He doesn't win.
Finally the next week he is so mad and he prays,"God what do you want from me? I don't know what else to promise. Why can't I win the lottery." Suddenly a big booming voice comes from the heavens and says," Would you buy a ticket already, geez."