I'm a cereal killer. I eat it all the time. =P

it's time for you to stop Jman.

you found my Springfield, darn i thought i did a better job of hiding it.

I'm not sure if there is a serial killer amongst us, but I need more info in order to narrow down the possibility. Could every person please answer the following questions?

1/. Are you male?
2/. Did you wet the bed pat the age of 12?
3/. Do you have a facination for fire?
4/. Have you killed more than 3 people over a period of more than 30 days?

I think if everyone answers the above honestly, then I will have all the infomation I need to expose the serial killer in our midst.

1. Yes
2. I still do.
3. So does everybody.
4. No, but not for a lack of effort.

1. Yes
2. No, who needs beds. Man up and sleep in the road.
3. Oh yes!
4. Who's asking?

To be a serial killer you have to have killed 5 people... At least in the UK you do anyway.

Really...? Don't you just have to have your name printed in a newspaper declaring you a serial killer? I thought it was more important to have a consistent pattern and MO, like leaving a trinket behind or something, than the actual number you killed. Did the Zodiac killer even get 5 undisputed kills?

I do know that in most video games, killing 5 people without dying is a killing spree. =P

1. No, I'm a postman.
2. The question here is ambiguous. You have not specified a unit of time for the number "12". I was still wetting the bed at 12 seconds, 12 minutes, 12 hours, 12 days, 12 weeks, and 12 months. However I was not wetting the bed at 12 years, 12 decades, 12 centuries, or 12 millenia. We will go by majority rule and say that I was wetting the bed at the age of 12 by a vote of 7 to 4.
3. I don't know what a "facination" is. (Maniac -1)
4. Again, your question is ambiguous and confusing. Allow me to explain. If the period is more than thirty days, it could be my whole life. But if I have killed three people in a period less than or equal to thirty days, I have also killed three people in a period more than thirty days, as the first period can be a subset of the second, longer period. The question, then, should be "Have you killed thirty people?", to which my answer is no. "Killed" is an active verb. While I may have not explictly "killed" them, I may have caused something else to kill them or though inaction allowed them to die.

that last point was confusing..........

Submariner, your post was incredibly misleading; in fact so misleading as to be wrong. A serial killer is not a serial killer due to the number of people he (or she, although female serial killers are incredibly rare) has killed. It has more to do with the way he has killed the people (my explanation of this isn't the best, I don't have the book with me that defines it properly). Thus a gunman who goes crazy and shoots 15 people before turning the gun on himself would not be a serial killer, but a mass murderer. A serial killer is someone more like Ted Bundy.

rlumley is definitely a serial killer.

A serial killer is a murderer who kills multiple people in many different incidents for specific percieved charasteristics, and general commits the crimes in a unique way- thus creating a personaility of sorts.

At least that is how I understand it...

Sylar is a serial killer. (for everyone who watches HEROES..............)

jman -1

@rlumley - if you cause something else to kill them, or through inaction, allow them to die (yes, I do see Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics in there), and you do it in a consitent way (say a hypnotherapist who sleeps with the good looking patients while they are under then suggests they skydive and never open their parachute) does that make you a serial accessory?

Oh, I feel a great idea for a murder mystery coming on. Each murder could actually be unique as the hypnotherapist truly doesn't want the pattern to be seen...

1/. Yes
2/. No
3/. I suppose so
4/. 3 people would be a slow 30 days for me.

"(yes, I do see Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics in there)"

Draug +1 :-)

@ChrisP - if you haven't killed three people in 30 days after some of the dumb questions you have been asked, then I admire your restraint well done!

@rlumley - I'm assuming your vote of 7 to 4 was amongst the voices in your head yes?

@Figles - I'm asking.

It concerns me that we don't have a definitive job description for a serial killer. I would be appauled if the definition in the UK was 5 kills over a period of more than 30 days but you only need 3 kills in the US. What if a successful serial killer in the US moved to the UK, he wouldn't even need to list his reputation on his CV. I think somebody somewhere should create a proper job decription.

@Glorious - even though you seem to have killed the require people, my criminal psychologist has advised me to eliminate you from our investigations because you didn't wet the bed past the age of 12 years.

@drauginar - I on't think hypnotists can get a patient to perform an act they wouldn't ordinarily do (i may be wrong here) you murder mystery may need more research.

Well that's a relief. My tendency to commit homicide is a healthy one then.

Wait... I think it's quite clear who the bloodthirsty *maniac* is, (hint!) Interviewing others in order to divert suspicion away from yourself? You are a crafty one!

doh, i'd have gotten away with it aswell if it wasn't for that pesky Glorious93. @Glorious, you are now on my list!

@ Maniac: The 7-4 vote was the result of the different units of time, ie. I did wet the bed for seven of the eleven units of time, and I did wet the bed for four of them, ie. I wet the bed at the age of twelve by a vote of seven to four.

As for the voices in my head, we never reached a vote because five of the eleven voices filibustered.

You forgot the 5th most important questions: "Do you have a middle name?" All the good ones have middle names.

"@ChrisP - if you haven't killed three people in 30 days after some of the dumb questions you have been asked, then I admire your restraint well done!"

It's not my restraint that's slowing me, it's my method of choice. It's very hard to kill people with a spoon.

wheres DexterMorgan when you need him...

@Chrisp - would that be a Blue Raja reference I see? Or was that more like Spoooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn! ala The Tick. Oh, and if you use the handle end and jab it in the eye socket really deep and twirl it around, it does a great job of killing a man. And as a bonus, after he is dead, if you twitch the spoon around, you can get his body to dance like Bernie!

Draugnar, the way your mind thinks is marginally terrifying.

Why, thank you (I think)! Was the terrifying part the "how to use a spoon to kill a man"? Or the obscure Tick and Mystery Men references that popped to mind because of the current superhero thread? I assure you, ther Corps taught me many different ways to kill a man without any tools at all, but it is more efficient and less risky to use the things you may find hanging around you in your field kit (mess kit, canteen, utility knife AKA Swiss Army Knife, socks, etc.) should you not have ready access to your M16 or your KA-BAR.

I was actually referring to the murder mystery you mentioned earlier. :-P