BREAKING UPDATE FROM WRIGLEYVILLE
My not lame friends and I drove down about 20 minutes after the game ended and got onto Addison within an hour, but still about 2 miles from the stadium. Traffic was stop-and-go. There is no way to tell if people were hitting their horns out of frustration at the traffic or just to laugh and cheer and be happy that their ancestors' last wishes were finally redeemed. I was definitely the latter, even though I am not a Cubs fan and nobody else in the car was either. It was a blast and nobody seemed to give a shit, including the police, who stayed as far away from the mayhem as they possibly could.
As for the body count, I counted at least 10 instances of firecrackers going off in the middle of intersections, 12 people max on top of the firetrucks at one given time, three people on top of the news van and countless others swarming it, and more drug deals from car to car than I have ever seen in the rest of my life combined. 3 people climbed on top of my car and only one fell over. 1 person pulled a James Bond and slid across my hood, only to fall off the front bumper instead of going all the way over. He is lucky I stopped. 9 girls flashed us (10 if you include the girl in the back seat, but she was flashing a guy outside and I just happened to catch it in the mirror... oops), and only 1 of them was walking with an apparent boyfriend. I quit counting how many people toasted my cream soda that I held out the window thinking it was beer, but the number is in the hundreds. 2 guys somehow lost their pants and were walking around in their boxers, and neither of those guys looked even close to good enough to walk around in their boxers. Only one person got run over, but it was her fault, not the driver's, and she was fine and walked away. I did not see any cars on fire, probably because the police were smart enough to stay the fuck away. Only one couple was trying to fuck in public, and even they had the decency to hide behind bushes. Ultimately, it took three hours to get two miles to Ashland, at which point we ditched the car and walked to Wrigley - which we probably should have just done in the first place.
tl;dr - so far, Chicago has avoided a Second Great Fire. More updates will come following the parade.
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