@herr its all about the money now is it arsewipe???

really? LOL

i work for the US government as a physicist actually and get to do cool things which money cant buy... but we are paid well. we have "grunts" around us who protect us from those nuclear missiles around the shop.... they are pure monkey like

my other half is a pofessional violin player

so suck it

I get to travel the world, and my fiance is her own boss. Plus: For a physicist, you sure can't spell or use proper punctuation or capitalization.

@Herr - just ignore rush. I muted hiom for his PM, but you can just choose to ignore him if you like. It'll make your life a lot easier to not feed the troll. I did hit escape to see what all he was posting and noticed his bragging about working as a physicist then talking about nuclear missiles around the shop...

@DR - Blah blah blah. So what. Working for the government means yo couldn't get a real job in the private sector but could manage to pass the Civil Servants test. I work in the private sector where they actually expect you to perform. And I was working around weapons grade plutonium in my 20s at Fernald, a superfund site. It's my code that computed the worst case wind event at Fernald that the engineers used to design the silos to contain the contaminated materials and the uranium and plutonium that was left in the pipes. But that was for a civil engineering firm with a contract. In other words, private sector where you actually have to have real skills.

A myriad of thoughts go through my mind as I read your posts. Today I took a long walk alone in the sunshine, went to an art museum, rented a couple of movies, went out with some friends, walked home freezing and thinking that I was somehow putting everything off. I'm following some suggestions made by some people here, but I havn't seen Ms. Sextoy and don't think I will. Of all the things I do, I hope to get that one right.

It's true, it bubbles back up even when I think I have it under control. The thought of my little red haired darling being away from me, learning stuff when I'm not around... Parents know what I'm talking about. I'd give a lung to have them both back here and we could talk it out. The future is extremely exciting, but boy am I aching to not be waiting for it to come around.

I will elaborate more later, when I've caught a few winks. Us folks here in the Old World sleep on a different time schedule that you guys overseas.

I can tell from people's replies that Draugnar has participated in this thread. Dear Draugner, I've had you on mute nearly since I created my profile, so sorry, can't hear what you're saying. Peace.

@HerrBayerisch: Das Krieg brauchst dich, und was brauchts du?

If someone wishes to relay to Yeoman, be my guest. Tell him I'm sorry for his pain and wish him only the best in making it work with his love.

Yeoman, Draug's comments on this thread towards you have been with the best of intentions and worth reading. I'd recommend unmuting him even if only for a few minutes to read his contribution here.

This is what he just wrote in response to your last:
"If someone wishes to relay to Yeoman, be my guest. Tell him I'm sorry for his pain and wish him only the best in making it work with his love." - Draugnar

@Yeoman: Wia bitte? Was is es Sie sogn versuchn? Und es tut mir Leid fia de Not Sie stehn.

@Draug: At this point I think you may be right about muting him. He seems to be quite uneducated for being a 'physicist'.

@HBK - Heil Hitler! Heil Jodl! Heil your mother's pussy!

lol.

props to all who defend those in the services, and especially to Draug and Herr for their service.

To those who think the military is only for those who can't make it in the real world.. yeah, sure some messed up people go into the military as a last resort. My cousin was one of them, but his time as a marine saved his life (odd huh?). The discipline the marines taught him has helped him put his life back on track and now he's studying through the GI Bill to make something of the rest of his life.
So now he's got a chance to be something in what you call the real world, and he helped defend that "real world" from some pretty nasty fuckers who want to wreck that for all of us.

Yeoman,

Finding enjoyment in little things along the way is great therapy.

If you find yourself sliding into a dark spot, try to look for a way to make someone else happy. A really good candidate is your little girl. Seeing her happy will boost your mood.

Start a substantial hobby project, or pick up a new hobby. These are great ways to occupy your mind with something enjoyable.

Also find someone you can talk to when you just need to blow steam or get things off your chest. Bottling stuff up inside is not macho, it's only exacerbating the inevitable meltdowns.

^ You know I don't know how much I agree.

There is a fine line between bottling up emotions, which, yes, is bad, and exacerbating existing emotions by dwelling on them.

What I would recommend is not talking to someone about how bad you feel and fleshing it out and contemplating it. Rather, acknowledge how you feel, accept how you feel, and move beyond how you feel. Don't lie about how you feel, but don't stay focused on the feelings if they are bad, and do focus on those feelings that are good. This is not bottling up, it's not self-deception, it's just wise self-guidance.

If you think about it, people lose their minds/kill themselves when they follow dark trains of thought too far. Not saying that's a risk for you here, but it does demonstrate that dwelling on the wrong things can be very bad for you.

Ah, bringing y'all an update from the land of the heartbroken promising young man:

I've had some real good talks with people these last 24 hours. I told Ms. Sextoy to find another playmate. Met a guy in town yesterday, he said some cool stuff about coming to terms with loving my x for being a peach, or loving the safety she provides. I knew right then that I want the chance to love her again like I did. Not as the mother of my child, but as the sexy young blonde with her head on straight and a heart of gold.

Also met this really hot chick yesterday, she wanted some romance but I kept my ground. We talked for some hours. She had been in a similar relationship to mine, only on the other side. She made me see things differently. I followed her home and heard some of her story. She wanted my number "to escalate things" but I turned her down. I reasoned that I didn't want her buzzing around inside me, and that the price of losing my peace of mind at this particular time was too high. Only thing I'm sorry about is not hearing her story to the end. Felt real good to turn her down though. She was stunned. First time for everything, right?

My x called me tonight and said she's moving to another flat in some weeks. She lives with her father now. She gets extremely defensive when we talk and I can't get her to snap out of it. She keeps saying "I know you're angry over this or that", and I go "No, I'm not angry about it, I'm sad." That's her vision of me.
Even if I say "you know, turning everything I say into an accusation is not helping our communication", she goes "I know but that's how I feel and I have to trust how I feel". Thereby justifying her accusations enough for me to have to listen to them all the time, I guess. That gets old. And nothing I can say, I just take it. Earned it.

She finally suggested that we start some kind of therapy together, to at least learn how to communicated better. To be honest, I think I feel better than her now. I guess I hit some kind of wall the other night and decided to get better. She may still be heading for that wall.

Thank you everyone, whatever country you're in, whatever your age, muted or not :-) : The time you took to read how I felt and answer this thread. I've read and re-read all your stuff and will do it again, and it really has pushed me in the right direction. Who says people never learn anything from forums.

I've decided to make a huge effort to win her back. I want to be open to whatever she says whenever she'll be ready to let me know. I will not let this love of my life slip away from lack of persistance. I have no doubt: Best woman I ever met.
I also decided to not sleep with anyone else while this is going on, and it wasn't a hard choice once I made it. I know how it feels and I don't need it. Nor do they.

Will also try and not drink so much and catch more sleep. Lots of half-promised, well, I guess it's a sign I'm doing better. Thanks to you lot.

Now then, which of of y'all backstabbed me in that last game?

@Herrbayerisch: Du machts kein Antwort und ich brauche nicht dein Verteidigung. Kein mehr frage. Danke.

"I know but that's how I feel and I have to trust how I feel"

This sentence and its variations is one of the worst things that can be said in any language. It's so wrong on so many levels.

Unfortunately, as I learned long ago as a consultant, perception (feelings) is reality and it is up to the recipient of said statement to do something to change the perceptions/feelings and telling someone their feelings are wrong doesn't do anything but reenforce them.