Sorry to hear that.

To be honest, though, it's hard to give you any meaningful advice without understanding why she left.

so... what do you think he means by take a pounding...

Hang tough. My suggestion is to go travel somewhere if you are able to. It might be good to get away from everything for a bit.

"It might be good to get away from everything for a bit."

I disagree. He has a daughter to think of.

lol

@santa

I'm sorry to hear that as well.

If I might suggest, try making your daughter the focus of your life. She needs you and will love you, well, at least until the early teenage years.

I hope you are able to adapt and make the most of things.

A vacation will not ruin the life of a daughter. Your own happiness is more important imo. Its better to have a happy father rather than one in shambles. But I understand your point. I guess thats up to the person. (And before anyone gets on my case, no I don't have kids)

Ack - Yeoman. You are not alone. Just remember to respect yourself, evolve yourself, and that you are the only person responsible for your decisions.
If you can't keep it together through self-motivation then focus on doing it for your daughter. Remember to her you are one of the most important examples a what a dad, a man and a human being should be.
And let me know if you wish to talk more about self-evolution and respect.

And by vacation I don't mean going to Europe. Even just taking time off work to go golfing or something like that. It might be a short term way to uplift your spirits. Find people to talk to and support you.

@Tom

Yes, I understand what you're saying. I'm just saying he doesn't have the luxury to pack up and start a new life as some people would.

I agree with tom, a vacation could do wonders

Yeah. I should have used a better word than "vacation" Maybe "break" would be more appropriate.

(it just resets your emotional state, it's helped me before)

Oh thanks everybody. I don't think I've been paying enough attention to my x, I've always hoped that she would "get over" her unhappiness on her own at some point. Been so busy with my self. Also I've slamming some doors, making her anxious. I'm not very mature in some ways. I've started to attend some free therapy and going there again on wednesday, hoping to gain more understanding.

My x has agreed to take care of our daughter for a week. The first 3 weeks I was basically waiting for her to change her mind. When she didn't, I was devastated. I held on to the table in the living room and just cried. Not exactly feeling like a man. In other words, I could go away for a while. Though I don't know where.

Taking a pounding means she drops by, drops her undies and we get it on. I've had plenty of relationships like that, I know the drill.

I already live in Europe, thanks though. And it's true - I have to think of my daughter. Pretty little red haired squeeker. I love her so much, I would trade lives without blinking.

Jeez. Every night it's like this.

Dude, you know time heals all things, except AIDS and amputations. I recommend finding a girl who looks kind of like her and get your hate-fuck on.

I've never had a girlfriend.
Or a daughter.
And I'm younger than you.

So its highly unlikely that I can give any good advice.

So I resort to my all-purpose solution for any sort of trouble...

A literature quote, which may be bogus...but I like this one, cheers me up when I feel alone:

"When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoanèd moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
BUT IF THE WHILE I THINK ON THEE, DEAR FRIEND,
ALL LOSSESS ARE RESTORED AND LOSSES END.

I guess WebDip community="friend" there... :)

Best I've got...hope it works out...

I've got two kids. There was a moment not long ago that I thought I was headed to a messy divorce. Fortunately for me, I was not.

So, at that time, I had many of the same symptoms. massive irritability. Hell, if you ask some people here, I ALWAYS have that symptom. And I've also gone through periods (premarriage) of having the person who would come over for meaningless sex every so often, and really, while it's good occasionally, you get to the point where you realize how meaningless it is and it just makes you more depressed.

What I might do is find things to do that get you out of the flat. It doesn't have to be anything big, just something. The more time you spend there the more depressed you'll be.

Take a cruise. There are always single chicks getting over breakups on them. Get one of the cheap inside lower deck cabins as you wont be in your cabin that much. Seriously. A cruise can do wonders.

Yeoman, would you like to get back together with your ex? 6 to 7 years is a long time. Chances are its hard for her too. It might be that you guys just have a few issues that need to be resolved - and while you *think* it is over for ever, this might not necessarily be true. If this is a case I think you should try to remain faithful to your ex until your are completely sure it is over. If she is having second thoughts about whether or not she has made the right decision, if she finds out you have moved on, then it could ruin your chances of reconciling. That's my advice based on the little I have read in this thread.

I would also suggest trying to patch things up with your ex if possible. 6-7 years is a long time - longer than a lot of marriages - and your daughter will certainly be better off with a stable two-parent family instead of one mother, a string of loser boyfriends, and a long drive to daddy's house every other weekend (or whatever the visitation standard is where you are). Time may heal all wounds, but there will be a lot less scar tissue if you and Ms. X stitch that open wound up and carry on with your life together. You obviously still care about her, and you've given no indication that she doesn't care about you. My advice is to ditch the meaningless fuckbuddy and have a very frank and honest discussion with Ms. X about where the two of you stand with each other straightaway (if you haven't already).

pound away!!!!!

stuck in lad

I agree with spyman and Tolstoy. The worst thing you could do is to jump into sex affair that doesn't meant anything, so DON'T DO IT. I know what I am talking about, I made the same mistake few years ago.

I was engaged to one girl after dating her for a very long period of time...we started planing marriage and stuff, and then she got huge nervous breakdown (stress, new job, etc.), and after huge fight she left me. My life fall apart and I did the same as you, had a sex affair...and it only convinced my ex girl that she made the right decision by ending our relationship...she tried to connect with me so that we could repair the damage, but she noticed that I am "busy" with another girl, and that was it....we never spoke again.

Most people think that I shouldn't invite Ms. Sextoy over. I follow your reasoning. I'm not really in a position to make balanced longterm decisions right now, so I'm gonna go with what you say.

I would like to patch things up. I just don't know what to do! How can I best give her room and at the same time show her that I'm trying to change things? In the coming week I'm seing an anger specialist on wednesday and having a chat to my doctor on friday, regarding my need to see a psychologist. In my country you can have some expenses covered if your doctor says you need whatever it is. If he says go, I'll start some more treatment.

I'm gonna try and get out of the flat more. The weather's great for October. Try and make some appointments with people, hopefully without drinking too much!

Thanks a lot guys. Warm thoughts to all of you. And thanks to Yellowjacket for making me laugh over "get your hate-fuck on" :-)

@ SacredDigits: "...meaningless sex..."

@ Tolstoy: "...meaningless fuckbuddy..."

@ Dejan: "...a sex affair that doesn't mean anything..."

I object to the use of the term "meaningless" in the above posts. If you ask me there's no such thing as meaningless sex. Sex is fun. It makes you feel good. It's joyous. It's life-affirming. You don't have to be in love, or in a deep long-term relationship, with the person you're having sex with, to get benefits from it.

It's fine to sometimes have sex simply as a recreational activity and nothing more. You wouldn't say "meaningless golf" or "meaningless yachting" or "meaningless basketball" or whatever, so why "meaningless sex"?

But Yeoman, don't demean your friend by calling her "Ms. Sextoy".... unless of course she likes that kind of dirty chat. Either way, I would urge you to get it on with her. It'll help you relax and make you feel better. It's what I would do, anyway.

Jamiet99uk if I recall correctly you are polyamorous (like my old housemate). This is all well and good if the lady is also polyamorous, but if we are talking about a monogamous relationship yeoman pleading that all sex is joyous might not go down too well if he wants to get back with recent ex.

yeoman- what are you doing on diplomacy chatting to these geeks for??? half of them will be virgins or single!!!

Get stuck into that piece of filth that you call an ex

you talking to therapists??? what are you? a woman? gay even?

get a grip son and go have some fun. if your woman and you are not meant to be, then so be it. make sure you put your child first when it comes to contact

now as i said before

get stuck in!

"what are you doing on diplomacy chatting to these geeks for"

Totally off topic, but the other night I was watching a TV show called Beauty and the Geek. Guess which board game the geeks were playing - Diplomacy. The geekiest of all geeky board games. But nonetheless the best.

dr...rush...most of the guys who commented in this thread are married and have children, and unless there was some sort of Immaculate Conception I doubt they are virgins (or maybe postman did it) :D