I researched Italian customs and the city of Milan in general for nearly six months before I even wrote the first word of this book. I like to be thorough so that if someone reading the book ever went to Milan, they would see what Jason saw, they would feel what he felt. It adds realism to the story.

I'm guessing ex-GF the model ends up in Milan (home of many a model) and maybe even her "lover" from QVC.

Sorry, no orgies. But you can see she likes Joshua but is obviously attracted to Jason though she won't 'let' herself. He's attracted to her too but then another comes into play in chapter two. Mutual helping, fighting, jealousy, flirting, pairing up with the enemy, etc. is all played out in this story. Really, it's a lot like a diplomacy game now that I think about it... except that there's a little more nudity involved. LOL

Someone from the building, can't speak a word of English. Jason's lack of Italian creates for the need of a translator.

The title (as of now) is 'Without Words' because the primary relationship can not speak to one another directly in the language of the other until the very end of the story.

At least I'm a better writer than I am a Diplomacy player, sheesh. I'm losing 8 out of 9 games right now. LOL

"Really, it's a lot like a diplomacy game now that I think about it... except that there's a little more nudity involved. LOL "

You're playing Diplomacy wrong.

I guess so... like I said, I'm losing 8 out of 9

I wonder how writing and playing diplomacy relate to one another.

Don't you see it Onar? The stories play out just like a Diplomacy game.

Obviously, it's an inverse corollary if any. The best writer of the group is losing 8 out of 9 games after all.

I've come to realize that I got into too many games so I can't really concentrate on any of them. I always said I loved playing Diplomacy... doesn't mean I'm any good at it. On the other hand, I've been learning to write for over 10 years now.

I'm not losing 8 out of 9 games, Draug.

okay i wrote a new section and will work on some revisions and then try to figure out how to share a google doc so that this thread doesnt become any more unreadable than it already is.

i will also try to read all yall's postings when possible

No, SD, and you aren't the best writer on the site either. :-P Oh, and don't think I'll tolerate that incursion into Burgundy in 'Fortknox Invitational I - Take 2' at all. :-P (again)

@Thucydides - I've shared my chapter 1 in its entirety so I look forward to comments from you as well. Let us know where we can see the revisions.

@SD - I have to be good at SOMETHING here, obviously Dip isn't it after all.

"The title (as of now) is 'Without Words' because the primary relationship can not speak to one another directly in the language of the other until the very end of the story."

Reminds of Ghost Dog :)

Maybe from that brief description but you'll find it's quite different upon reading the book.

Just remember... Lost in Translation has already been used. :-)

Yes, I know. I guess I could use 'Under the Milan Sun' thought, right? LOL

Make that particular Margheritte pizza be a recurring theme and use it in the name somehow?

Oh geez, that would take a whole rewrite of several chapters then. He's going to be trying other foods as well in Chapter 2 and beyond.

You will see several 'comic' references to misunderstandings between the languages, mix up of words, etc. throughout as well. That is a constant undertone that I maintain.

In regards to Reuben's Breakfast, you should look at breaking up the sentence structures and using more variety. I notice you use a lot of Subject-Verb-Object structures (ie Reuben exited to the Kitchen, He browsed the cupboard... He pondered how perfect... He sat down at the kitchen table). Using this same structure repeatedly is what causes the reading to feel monotonous and have little movement. If you were to mix in more gerunds and compound sentences, I believe you could really bring it alive more.

Excellent point. The three stories from my CW class that have that same structure contain those boring "he did this" statements.

"The soaked wall hissed and crackled, steam rising to mix with the blackened sky around the burning tenement. The blazing advance was only momentarily held off though as it quickly regained its footing, enveloping the insignificant piece of wall that Oumou had desperately tried to save with her two buckets of water."

Or, you could jump in as she's getting just the spittles of water out of her fire extinguisher until there is nothing left. That's what I love about writing. If something doesn't work, you have thousands of options to choose from. It's all about how creative you can get.


Quite honestly, I've never read anything good by a woman writer.

Suzzane Collin's HungerGames--I haven't met a single person with a negative review on the book, and I know a lot of people who have read it.

FA--you have a lot of works in progress. Do you have any books finished? Any published...perchance?

ZaZ - I have finished one book but it was my first and having difficulties getting it published. To be honest, I learned a lot from it so if it doesn't end up being published, I'm okay with that. It taught me so much about the process that I know where I went wrong and what I did right. The one I'm working on now will definitely make it, I'm sure.

No real criticism's to make, just wanted to say I really admire you guys for a) writing in the first place and b) putting it up here. Quite excited about the final book FA! As long as you don't tease us with too many installments.

Thanks for the encouragement PJ. I'll try not to tease for too long, LOL.