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A place to discuss topics/games with other webDiplomacy players.
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obiwanobiwan (248 D)
28 Aug 11 UTC
Anyone Around Here Do Model United Nations?
I'll be doing it for my college's "team" this semester for two meets...
All those big-name Southern California Colleges...Berkeley, UCLA, UC Irvine, USC, Davis, San Jose State...and my COMMUNITY College (and just to make sure I make EXTRA friends...we get to be everyone's favorite Orwellian-inspired state, North Korea! ;) So...anyone do this? Fun stories, ideas, tips...share them, I plan to take this dictators--er, People's Republic to the top!) ;)
41 replies
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Ges (292 D)
31 Aug 11 UTC
22hr Anon WTA 12 DipPoint Classic 1901
gameID=66749

Two more needed to get this off the ground. All the best.
2 replies
Open
King Atom (100 D)
31 Aug 11 UTC
WTF?
Getting this message from vdip: You don't have permission to access / on this server.
Do the vdip mods have a different e-mail than these ones? I need to ask them what this is about...
10 replies
Open
TBroadley (178 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
Anyone play EvE Online?
It's a space-based MMO that focuses around combat, mining, and trading. Of course, if you played it, you'd already know that. Are there any WebDip people besides me who play EvE?
2 replies
Open
Fasces349 (0 DX)
31 Aug 11 UTC
Build Your Dream Nation 2
While Obis mainly composed of the leaders of your nation, lets take it one step further. Lets see how far we can get in writing constitutions :p

I'm off to bed, might start on this tomorrow
0 replies
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ednos (529 D(S))
29 Aug 11 UTC
Donator Markers
Are the thresholds public, or should I just keep donating until it turns gold?
18 replies
Open
Draugnar (0 DX)
29 Aug 11 UTC
What would happen if...
I don't know, but I've always wondered... What would happen if a state told a federal judge who shot down a law to go get bent and enforced it anyhow? I mean, are the feds going to march on Alabama if they enforce their new illegal immigration law? What could they do besides withhold money?
20 replies
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Maniac (189 D(B))
30 Aug 11 UTC
My policies for tackling UK unemployment
See Inside
22 replies
Open
fortknox (2059 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
Immigration
Since Draug's last thread was directed towards government but mentions immigration, I figured I'd make another thread for immigration so we can have that discussion separately.
21 replies
Open
Putin33 (111 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
Over/Under on Noda lasting a year
And yet there's no clamor to beat up Japan regarding currency manipulation. Noda is the manipulator-in-chief.
0 replies
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MrcsAurelius (3051 D(B))
30 Aug 11 UTC
World diplomacy needs one more! 50 min to go. 1 day/phase
Cmon guys we need one more! Please join, and earn the gratitude of 16 others!
gameID=66458

0 replies
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gman314 (100 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
gman's law
Inspired by Fortknox's version of Godwin's law and by http://webdiplomacy.net/forum.php?threadID=760957#760957 I have formulated my own for this forum.
10 replies
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King Atom (100 D)
24 Aug 11 UTC
Apparently I'm "Wrong."
Just because I'm against gays, doesn't mean you all need to get offended or yell at me or anything...
261 replies
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Sydney City (0 DX)
30 Aug 11 UTC
Thank god for the mute button
Enough said! Some players are anally verbose
7 replies
Open
Riphen (198 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
Obvious 2v2 Scenario
Check inside.
5 replies
Open
Alderian (2425 D(S))
27 Aug 11 UTC
Aussie Rules Football
I've watched a couple of games now and would like to know more about it. It seems like a very interesting mix of football (soccer), basketball, and American football; but WAY better than football (soccer) and basketball.
21 replies
Open
King Atom (100 D)
30 Aug 11 UTC
My Partial Role...
Basically, I'd like to rewrite history...and I need help. If this thread doesn't go to the trolls, I'll explain but knowing this site...
Anyways, I'd just like to create a fiction novel based off of what history maybe SHOULD have been...and of course how I think it WILL be...
16 replies
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Yellowjacket (835 D(B))
30 Aug 11 UTC
Apparently I'm "wrong" too
Just because I'm against King Atom, doesn't mean you have to get all offended and yell or anything.
4 replies
Open
Invictus (240 D)
29 Aug 11 UTC
Gin Rickey
http://webdiplomacy.net/board.php?gameID=66656
30 D, 24 hour phases, points per center, 10 days to join
1 reply
Open
King Atom (100 D)
28 Aug 11 UTC
Feeling Cheated?
Looks like the number of forum cheating accusations has greatly increased. Just to let all of you noobs out there know, the rules have much to say, why don't you read them. If you have a cheating accusation, send it to [email protected] and complain to the mods. This forum is for trolling and other pointless conversations, not to hear you all bitching. Thank you.
41 replies
Open
Thucydides (864 D(B))
21 Aug 11 UTC
The Writing Thread
Herein we consolidate all other writing threads. Post your writings for viewing and criticisms here.
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FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
First I'll put in your original and then my re-write of it will follow so you can compare the speech between them. You'll see how I've made it a little more natural.

ORIGINAL
“But we need your help! My whole block is burning to the ground! Can't you put the fire out?”

“Maybe if you'd come here earlier today we could, but Hernando is hurt and needs medical attention. We're leaving immediately.”

Oumou was shocked. “But didn't you say when you came you would stay for the year?”

“That was contingent on the health and safety of our team, which is our first priority. I'm sorry about your block, Project. Good luck.”

With that, he got in the transport with the other People and flew away, leaving Oumou standing alone in the street. The feeling of dread had returned.

REWRITE
“But… you can’t leave! My whole block… it’s burning… to the ground!” She was nearly fainted from exhaustion and exasperation. “You have to help me!”

“Perhaps earlier we could have.” He spoke matter-of-factly, no sharing of her concern at all in his voice. “Hernando is hurt and needs medical attention so we must leave immediately.”

“But... you said you’d stay for a year.” Oumou was yelling through her shock at his disconcern.

“Yes, but that was contingent on the continued health and safety of our team; our first priority.” He hadn’t even looked at her, continuing to load his team onto the transport while he spoke. “I am sorry about your block, Project. Best of luck to you.”

Finished, he followed the others into the transport and flew away without looking back. Oumou was left alone on the street, left only with her feeling of dread which had returned.

Another comment, like Draugner said, is the continued use of Pods, People and Projects. Think about how you would refer to someone who was 'beneath' you. Would you continually call them a project, especially amongst your friends? The people more likely would have adapted a name for them; perhaps a PJT or something. Sure, Project would be the official name but the 'derogeratory' name that most People would use would be something else. The Projects would also have adapted a name for the People, something that shows their disdain for a group who believed themselves so far removed from the commoners. It's only natural among groups to do so, be them economic, social, racial, religious or whatnot. Especially in an environment where segregation is encouraged such as your story.

I like Draugner's idea of PASC but even that would become monotonous after a while. I would suggest giving the full name once in the beginning and then they refer to it as 'the center' in regular speech with the occasional full name or initials drop added in to remind the reader what 'the center' is.
obiwanobiwan (248 D)
22 Aug 11 UTC
"Now is the winter of our discontent"

Oh wait, that's not mine...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Oops...not mine either...

Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to live tragically.

Nope...

"Heads."
(Flips coin)
"Heads."
(Flips coin)
"Heads."

Still not it...

Call me Ishmael.

Damn it, still not the right one...

You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sayer; but that ain't no matter.

No...still not right...ah!

HERE we go...my first original line to my first original story!



It was a dark and stormy night.

;)
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
Geez... Yet again FirstApple makes an awesome rewrite. You written anything I might have read FA? I read a lot (and I mean a *lot*) of SciFi.
Thucydides (864 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
Right agreed on "the Center."

On a derogatory name - I kind of thought of the Projects as derogatory already - as if they're unfinished. I don't know, I'll think about that.

As far as making them speak differently though - I agree, but I'm also not sure I want to attempt to contrive a fake dialogue... it could make it seem really stupid. I'll think about that too though.

Apple I really like the re-write, for the most part. I guess I didn't write it like that at first because I feared it would seem melodramatic or something.

Thanks again.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
@Draugner - not that you would've read. My biggest problem is that I'm too much of a perfectionist so I edit to death. I've submitted a romance novel for publication and am working on the one I've posted here for another submission but nothing submitted in Sci-Fi YET. I'm working on it though.
Thucydides (864 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
The other problem that I'm grappling with is this - the relationship I'm trying to build is more complicated than I may have succesfully expressed.

They're not supposed to think of them like a lower caste - inferior, yes. But treating them with disgust, no. Henry does this because he is an asshole, but the People as a whole are supposed to be all the time talking about "helping" in a paternalistic kind of way.

So I don't want to create all this dripping with contempt language from the people toward the projects, it's not really the intent. hmm
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
Subtlty for thre language, Thucy. It doesn't have to be as drastic a difference as, say, Firefly where Inara has her proper Alliance and Kaylee speeks in outer world Independent.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
@Thucydides - with the dialogue, it doesn't have to be HUGE, but there should be a bit of difference in their obvious 'level of education' meaning there will be more running of words together, skipped verbs perhaps or dropped or added letters. Perhaps most 'h' words are pronounced with a 'th' instead, something like that.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
"So I don't want to create all this dripping with contempt language from the people toward the projects, it's not really the intent. hmm "

It is what seems to be intended so you want to reconsider that.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
Melodramatic is GOOD! It makes for a more entertaining read. You don't want to overdo it, but you definitely want to do it!
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
But the Projects residents could still have their own names. there is bound to be discontent with the folks in the PRojects that they express towards their counterparts in the Pods. And Pod People? Come on... Like nobody is thinking Invasion of the Body Snatchers here? :-)
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
@Obiwan - LOL or shall I just call you Snoopy?
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
"I know what you mean about People Pods Projects, and tried to wean some. I think it might partly be because a lot of this first part was exposition. Do you have a suggestion how I might tone it down some more? I dunno really. "

Mix up your exposition with conversation that shows what you want the exposition to show. Every conversation should achieve something; sometimes that something is to show the reader what's really going on. Think about what you can do there perhaps. I don't want to do too many re-writes for you because it's your story and I would never want to steal your thunder but if you would like an example, let me know.
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
Shouldn't that have been "Call me 'Old Ben'", obi?
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
FirstApple, be sure to let us know whent hat SciFi novel comes out. I'll be hunting it down on Amazon for sure.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
Thanks Draugnar, will do. I've got an idea that I'm working on which would actually end up being a series. Without giving too much away and (yes, I know it sounds corny without the full premises described) it is somewhat of a cross between star wars and narnia - but without the talking animals.
Thucy, I do use soundcloud. I'll PM you my profile.
Draugnar (0 DX)
22 Aug 11 UTC
I've always wanted to write a sequel to Dark City (the neo noir "classic" from 1994) as there is so much more story left there once John Murdoch kicks the aliens' collective asses. Here we have a Messiah character in John without the self-control or even self-knowledge of the typical Christ figure in literature. What happens with his relationship with Emma/Anna? How does having the power to change his world affect him personally?
FirstApple (100 D(B))
22 Aug 11 UTC
I've never read that one. I'll have to do so at some point.
Draugnar (0 DX)
23 Aug 11 UTC
Actually, you have to watch it. It's a movie from 1994 bit a very literate one.
King Atom (100 D)
23 Aug 11 UTC
Sorry I wasn't around to read all of this, but I think FirstApple should have his book published. Granted the rest is as good...
ulytau (541 D)
23 Aug 11 UTC
@Thuc and TWA:
How does SoundCloud works? I only know sites like last.fm, Jamendo or Grooveshark.
In a final act of desperation, her mind raced for possible last-minute solutions. She couldn't simply watch idly as her home burned. Suddenly an idea came to her and she took off running down the street at a sprint. Her last hope lay at the People's Aid Staging Center.

I gave you high praise on your lying inform, so I can rip this paragraph if you please. =)

Today's lesson: does this make sense and redundancy?
"In a final act of desperation, her mind raced for possible last-minute solutions."
------You don't know what steps she's taken to save her home. It shouldn't be "a final act," but rather "an act of desperation." Adjectives are always good, but they're better left out if not appropriate, but it's even better if you can find a replacement.
------"her mind raced" cliche, but okay
------"for possible last-minute solutions" redundant.

Rewrite: "Before hope was gone, her mind raced for last-minute solutions."

"She couldn't simply watch idly as her home burned"
-----Good, but a redundancy. Watch and idly have the same action in this context.

Rewrite: She couldn't simply watch her home burn

"Suddenly an idea came to her and she took off running down the street at a sprint."
-------Suddenly is explained later on in the sentence by "she took off running." "Came" is a weak verb. Redundancy with running and sprint.

Rewrite: An idea struck her so she took off sprinting down the street.

"Her last hope lay at the People's Aid Staging Center."
----As explained earlier, you don't know what actions she's taken to stop the burning, so, replace "last" with "only." I'm changing "hope" to "help" because I used the word "hope" in the first sentence rewrite. "Lay" is somewhat an improper verb.

Rewrite: Her only help waited at the People's Aid Staging Center.

Put it all together and it goes from:

In a final act of desperation, her mind raced for possible last-minute solutions. She couldn't simply watch idly as her home burned. Suddenly an idea came to her and she took off running down the street at a sprint. Her last hope lay at the People's Aid Staging Center.

to:

Before hope was gone, her mind raced for last-minute solutions. She couldn't simply watch her home burn. An idea struck her, so she took off sprinting down the street. Her only help waited at the People's Aid Staging Center.

Well, there you have it. A paragraph that makes sense without *unnecessary redundancy*.

I may post a little bit of my dribbles here. I don't have much, I throw away a lot of what I write. I may take out my Creative Writing book to see what I can rip out of there.


I loved this. I forgot most of the stuff I wrote in here, so it's quite humorous for me.
----------------------------------
An Ode to Swings

You sit there, waiting for me,
Restricted by wretched chains,
Forbidding you from enjoying me,
I must come to you.

I cannot articulate words that can exemplify your beauty,
Your gentle curve is an exact fitting for me,
I hold onto your chains as we drift back and forth,
As I kick my legs forward and swing them back,
We go higher and higher,
Faster and faster,
We go to the corners of the earth together.

Sorrowfully, I must discontinue our swinging,
I can only go so fast and so long before I'm inflicted with vertigo,
I jump off you at the highest heigher,
I lurch forward and stumble from the great speed you send me off,
I look back and see you still swinging,
But you're bouncing, twisting, asking for more

Who can resist?
Certainly not I,
I jump back on for another ride,
This time, slower and smoother,
I'm taking it all in,
Every moment I spend with you is another adventure.

Although, I must eat,
I must sleep,
Our swinging must come to an end,
But hopefully, I will come back tomorrow

Reuben's Breakfast

Reuben doesn't set an alarm clock. He knows his neighbor's cacophonous Dachshund will ascertain he wakes up before sunrise. This morning, the dog raised his bark to a larger decibel. Reuben is not a morning person or a book person. That's why he had no problem grabbing the book, "Ordinary People," and threw it at him. He missed his mark, but he was indifferent, because he got rid of a horrible book. Maybe he should throw away books at neighboring dogs more often.

Reuben exited to his kitchen, picturing his cereal cupboard. He browsed the cupboard and settled on Very Berry Crunch. He pondered how perfect a palatable bowl of his favorite cereal was going to taste. He sat down at the kitchen table, and started to open the box of cereal. Peculiar! Instead of two flaps of cardboard entwine and hold-fast, this box had a zipper! Reuben frowned. He wasn't enthusiastic about zippers.

He then noticed the back of the box. It read, "Join karate klasses and learn arm-splitting moves today!" reuben doesn't want to break anyone's arms. He does want to break the Dachshund's leg's, however. Karate isn't meant for that. Reuben isn't pleased with karate or the box.

Reuben is still pleased that he can at least eat a delectable bowl of Very Berry Crunch. He opens the zipper with much greater difficulty than necessary because he wanted to convince himself that a regular box is easier. Reuben poured himself a bowl of...tater tot casserole and geraniums? This is not what Reuben expected from a box that says on the cover, "A blasting box of flavor! Enjoy your Very Berry Crunch!" Reuben takes his time to think about his situation. Reuben decides he does not like it. Not at all. He takes his spoon in his right hand and beat rapidly the assortment of gross food.

He calmed down and gently scooped his tater tot casserole and geraniums into the box. He zipped the box shut and carried it to his room with a smirk. He saw the now sleeping dog outside the window. He yelled at the dog, "This is all your fault!" He wound his arm up and rocketed the cereal box at the dog. Direct hit on the sniffer. It's been a better morning than most for poor Reuben.
This is good. Not a story or a poem or anything, but still good. ;)

Recipe for a Shin-dig

- A dance floor
- Any amount of people
- Multiple types of dances
-Multiple types of moves for each dance
-10 groovy songs (One has to be extra groovy!)
-A DJ, dipped in craziness
-A truckload of snacks
-A bounty of good times

1. Find a location that is suitable for a dance floor
2. Invite a desired amount of people
3. Hire a DJ. Have him play ten groovy songs.
4. Distribute types of dances to the correct personality of each person. Make sure to give them the right moves for each dance. IMPORTANT: some people can only handle on move for each dance.
5. Bring in a truckload of snacks. Make sure people eat so that your shin-dig doesn't become grumpy.
6. Make sure to spread out a bounty of fun--make sure no one is left out.
7. Have the DJ play the extremely groovy song. Encourage everyone to dance in unison.
Let the constructive criticism begin...
FirstApple (100 D(B))
23 Aug 11 UTC
@KA Thank you for the compliment on my writing. I do intend to have this particular story published upon my completing it. (I'm about 1/2 way through now)
FirstApple (100 D(B))
23 Aug 11 UTC
@ZaZaMaRaNDaBo - Your suggestions for Thucydides are very good overall though I still believe that the first paragraph could be beefed up a bit. Particularly since we need to keep in mind that this is the FIRST paragraph of the story... it's job is to grab the reader's attention and hold onto them long enough to get trapped within the story. Thus while I agree that you have definitely improved it, there still is work to do. I'll copy down both versions and see what I can do for a suggestion of a more powerful beginning.
FirstApple (100 D(B))
23 Aug 11 UTC
@ZaZaMaRaNDaBo - your poem to swings is creative and enjoyable. Being that I'm not a poet, I can't offer more feedback other than the simple fact that I truly enjoyed reading it and the visualization was quite real for me.

In regards to Reuben's Breakfast, you should look at breaking up the sentence structures and using more variety. I notice you use a lot of Subject-Verb-Object structures (ie Reuben exited to the Kitchen, He browsed the cupboard... He pondered how perfect... He sat down at the kitchen table). Using this same structure repeatedly is what causes the reading to feel monotonous and have little movement. If you were to mix in more gerunds and compound sentences, I believe you could really bring it alive more.

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236 replies
WardenDresden (239 D(B))
24 Aug 11 UTC
Warden's Story
I'm not sure what limits there are on words per post or anything, but below you will find my short story entitled: Flame's Rest. I'll break it up into 2 posts, as the finished product is 3 1/2 pages in word double spaced. Please comment with any advice, critiques or even shameless bumps. :)
6 replies
Open
Scmoo472 (1933 D)
27 Aug 11 UTC
Wow. Is there a mod on?
I need to talk to a mod plz? I am about to be unable to win a game because of either Meta/Multi and I am gonna be pissed.
9 replies
Open
kestasjk (64 DMod(P))
27 Aug 11 UTC
Donator icons
Hi guys, I added the donor icons but there were 30 or so people who donated with a different e-mail address than they're using here. If you should have a donor icon but don't e-mail me at [email protected] telling me which e-mail address you donated with.

Thanks again to all who donated, we've just got the 2 year lease for the dedicated host, and everything seems to be going well :-)
81 replies
Open
Lopt (102 D)
29 Aug 11 UTC
Live Game
Live Game on 7pm GMT-zone. 10 minutes per move, 50 to join.

Join now!
2 replies
Open
Dan-i-Am 88 (348 D)
28 Aug 11 UTC
Hey France. . .
FINALIZE!!!!
5 replies
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obiwanobiwan (248 D)
29 Aug 11 UTC
Horton the V, Green Eggs and Hamlet--SEUSSPEARE! (Mix-And-Match Writing Thread!)
So, if you haven't seen it...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3w2MTXBebg

I found it funny (of course) and so did my friends, and we got to wondering...what WOULD happen if the two masters merged? SO--Shakespeare and Dr. Seuss...what would THAT look like? ;) (Feel free to mix other authors, too!) :D
8 replies
Open
thatwasawkward (4690 D(B))
26 Aug 11 UTC
Sweeping generalization about a contentious issue.
Broad statement of subjective opinions masquerading as objective fact. Implication that those that disagree are not only in the wrong, but are subhuman. Stop "thinking", humanzees! Listen only to me! My thoughts are kind of a big deal.
35 replies
Open
King Atom (100 D)
28 Aug 11 UTC
My Collaborative Writing Thread
Modelling after the other thread, but easier to follow...
Submissions of 150-500 words. And we'll begin by setting the scene.

We'll figure it out as we go along...
8 replies
Open
Putin33 (111 D)
28 Aug 11 UTC
Manchester smites you
8-2 and 5-1....Crikey.

Wenger won't survive the season, I think.
8 replies
Open
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