The Role of Carrots in Modern Society

[Nephthys]

I have become increasingly distressed over the state of carrots in our society over the last few weeks. They are too sweet for me to be comfortable with them as a vegetable however the prospect of putting them in a category with more traditional sweet crops causes me equal distress.

This is abomination that cannot go unchecked any longer. We must rise up and destroy the anarchistic carrots that are throwing our food classification systems into chaos.

[TrPrado]

I believe their role is as food.

[Nephthys]

I believe their role is as food.

That's what they want you to think. Only something with an ulterior motive could be so disjointed in its existence.

[Octavious]

Your first mistake is confusing them with a vegetable. It's understandable, as they vaguely resemble the root vegetable known as the parsnip, but a simple internet search can reveal that the carrot is fact the sexual organ of the male snowman. Colloquially known as the "snowman's nose" (presumably to make it more palatable to younger consumers, much as the chicken's arse is known as the parson's nose) the carrot is rich in nutrients and has long been prized in Chinese herbal medicine as a sight restorer. Strangely enough they are only sweet if harvested when fully erect, but you'll seldom see a flaccid carrot in the shops as there's no demand for them.

What with climate change and subsequent habitat loss we could well be seeing shortages of carrots in the near future. Sad times.

[Claesar]

I like carrots and eat about 1.5kg per week.

[BobMcBob]

Carrots are, by a large margin, the greatest vegetables. Do not insult carrots.

[dargorygel]

Nephthys has uncovered the second greatest threat to humankind. (The first, of course, is the ferocious killer commonly known as, 'penguin.') Further carrot-evil proofs:
a) They hide their existence underground. Only revealing the leafy green part of their bodies. Beneath the ground, they grow unseen. Expand unnoticed. Develop where no one can see their threat.
b) They are orange. Yes, orange. What kind of vegetable is orange? We ALL know that orange (particularly in recent years) represents tyranny, collusion, and culpability for EVERYTHING wrong in society.
c) They are called carrots. Which sounds like carets. SO that when you hear of "carrots," subconsciously we are likely to think of carets. Diamonds. Happy wealthy romantic rich investment contentment. It's a plot.
d) Carrots are good for your eyes. The FIRST victim of Carrotism is the abolition of ocular assistance. Some of my best friends are eye doctors. What are eye doctors (and their support staff) supposed to do when carrots fix everyone's vision? First those who study/believe in ophthalmology are destroyed... then the rest of us.
e) Carrots claim (or the "scientists" under carrot control) that carrots are the source of Vitamin A. Vitamin A? really? It makes me think of some cheerleader claiming that THIS vitamin is the BEST! "We're number one! We're letter A!" Always beware anyone and anything claiming to be the BEST.
f) Carrots taste carrotish.

Thank you, Nephthys, for reminding us of this danger. You are the Winston Churchill of webDiplomacy.

(I also want to warn you, Nephy... because like ophthalmologist who have an unpronounceable and often miss-spelled name, many of us ALSO think of your name as Nepthys... or Nephtys... or Neptys... you might be NEXT on the carrot hit list.)

[KalelChase]

This entire post is underwritten by Big Carrot.
Do rabbits like Carrots? No! They are actually bad for rabbits.
This was a myth started by Bugs Bunny, while spoofing Clark Gable in It Happened One Night. It's a Hollywood conspiracy going back decades!

[teacon7]

no one is going to mention how embroiled they are in the financial system and currency?

24 carrot diamonds?
24 carrot gold?

we need answers. How have they infiltrated every level of society?

[dargorygel]

no one is going to mention how embroiled they are in the financial system and currency?

24 carrot diamonds?
24 carrot gold?

we need answers. How have they infiltrated every level of society?

I DID mention it... with subtlety...
How have they infiltrated? Their roots run deep, my friend.

[e.m.c^42]

more traditional sweet crops

I must confess a lack of awareness of what these "traditional sweet crops" are.

Yams, taro, cassava, sweet potatoes and the like? Or is it like turnips, radishes, and parsnips etc...

or even onions, celery?

I fail to comprehend the distress of carrots fitting with the middle mold, prithee tell me why - oh, darlin' Neph, what ails you so?

[dargorygel]

Sugar cane. Clearly sugar cane. And M&M bushes.

[Nephthys]

Your first mistake is confusing them with a vegetable. It's understandable, as they vaguely resemble the root vegetable known as the parsnip, but a simple internet search can reveal that the carrot is fact the sexual organ of the male snowman. Colloquially known as the "snowman's nose" (presumably to make it more palatable to younger consumers, much as the chicken's arse is known as the parson's nose) the carrot is rich in nutrients and has long been prized in Chinese herbal medicine as a sight restorer. Strangely enough they are only sweet if harvested when fully erect, but you'll seldom see a flaccid carrot in the shops as there's no demand for them.

What with climate change and subsequent habitat loss we could well be seeing shortages of carrots in the near future. Sad times.

Why naturally. The feeding of them to the young is a communist plot to raise an army. Imagine having to stare down a barrel at an army of soldiers with essentially perfect vitamin balance. Don't even get me started on their eyesight...

[Nephthys]

Nephthys has uncovered the second greatest threat to humankind. (The first, of course, is the ferocious killer commonly known as, 'penguin.') Further carrot-evil proofs:
a) They hide their existence underground. Only revealing the leafy green part of their bodies. Beneath the ground, they grow unseen. Expand unnoticed. Develop where no one can see their threat.
b) They are orange. Yes, orange. What kind of vegetable is orange? We ALL know that orange (particularly in recent years) represents tyranny, collusion, and culpability for EVERYTHING wrong in society.
c) They are called carrots. Which sounds like carets. SO that when you hear of "carrots," subconsciously we are likely to think of carets. Diamonds. Happy wealthy romantic rich investment contentment. It's a plot.
d) Carrots are good for your eyes. The FIRST victim of Carrotism is the abolition of ocular assistance. Some of my best friends are eye doctors. What are eye doctors (and their support staff) supposed to do when carrots fix everyone's vision? First those who study/believe in ophthalmology are destroyed... then the rest of us.
e) Carrots claim (or the "scientists" under carrot control) that carrots are the source of Vitamin A. Vitamin A? really? It makes me think of some cheerleader claiming that THIS vitamin is the BEST! "We're number one! We're letter A!" Always beware anyone and anything claiming to be the BEST.
f) Carrots taste carrotish.

Thank you, Nephthys, for reminding us of this danger. You are the Winston Churchill of webDiplomacy.

(I also want to warn you, Nephy... because like ophthalmologist who have an unpronounceable and often miss-spelled name, many of us ALSO think of your name as Nepthys... or Nephtys... or Neptys... you might be NEXT on the carrot hit list.)

Please don't remind me of the penguin, I've just finished therapy from last time...

a) Those mystery bunkers that keep 'cropping' up? Coincidence? I think not.

b) Scientists claim it was the Dutch that turned them orange but lets be real here. Humans would not be so obsessed with vanity as to change the colour of a 'vegetable' just to please royalty.

c) They have infiltrated all aspects of society, we aren't safe anymore.

d) This makes me weep. Those hard working individuals about to be stripped of their lifes work.

e) Vitamin A is toxic in pregnancy, a natural human state, why would we ever encourage its consumption?

f) I. Am. Disgusted.

We will keep working to abolish the carrot threat until the end, whether theirs, or mine...

[Nephthys]

more traditional sweet crops

I must confess a lack of awareness of what these "traditional sweet crops" are.

Yams, taro, cassava, sweet potatoes and the like? Or is it like turnips, radishes, and parsnips etc...

or even onions, celery?

I fail to comprehend the distress of carrots fitting with the middle mold, prithee tell me why - oh, darlin' Neph, what ails you so?

What ails me so? We are on the verge of a worldwide catastrophe, soon the carrots will rise up and overthrow us AND the communists they currently work for. We will be forced underground to live our days without the sun as they have done for so long.

How can you not be concerned?

[dargorygel]

Give me carrotless or give me death!
Sic semper carottis!

[e.m.c^42]

What ails me so? We are on the verge of a worldwide catastrophe, soon the carrots will rise up and overthrow us AND the communists they currently work for. We will be forced underground to live our days without the sun as they have done for so long.

How can you not be concerned?

But Neph! Shan't the carrots become "flaccid" in the sun, like sir Octavi hath told? When they're soft it becomes simple to burn them in boilin' molasses like the horrible little orangey bastards they are.

[e.m.c^42]

And besides, being forced to live underground ain't more than a scary dream, and it's scarrotish propaganda at that! They merely want us to think they're workin with them commies, when they're actually with the mass market GMO cloning industry.

Have you ever seen those manufactured, sacrilegious heathens they call "baby carrots"? Creepy as fuck, man. Those blinded little lumps follow you around with their surgically removed eyes, leering upon you from inside those plastic barriers.

Have you never wondered why they must be refrigerated? It's so they don't awaken and infect everyone with those hard tentacle nubs they call a body.

Do be careful, Neph, do be careful. They might be on to you.

[brainbomb]

I think the role of kakarrot in society cannot be understated. For he is a man of great Austrian principles. I dont know what they are. But I believe in it

[Jamiet99uk]

Who really knows?