Who broke the world?

[Octavious]

With the virus approaching the start of the exciting peak phase over the next few weeks, it's high time we got together as one global community and pinned the blame on someone. Trump has taken the lead here, calling it the Chinese virus, and the Chinese government itself has dedicated vast resources to blaming pretty much everyone who isn't the Chinese government. Intellectually challenged people across the globe have enthusiastically joined in, blaming corona beer, religion, and the lack of religion in equal measure. But we can do better.

Firstly, a confession. Three months ago I broke a mirror, so clearly a healthy share of the blame is mine. But who else? Let's draw up a list of suspects!

[Claesar]

It's the wrath of a banned colourful forum character. Perhaps if we simultaneously unban them all, we'll receive a cure?

[New England Fire Squad]

It's the wrath of a banned colourful forum character. Perhaps if we simultaneously unban them all, we'll receive a cure?

I support this.

[THC]

Trump knows. He knows a great lot about the virus. A great lot. He knows more aboit the virus than anyone. Anyone in the world. He knows so much about it, so much. He....

No, wait.

That's fake news. He might have heard about the virus once in 2006. He's never known about the virus. He might have been introduced to it once.

[Maniac]

Vegans.

They’re always on about how we can’t eat bacon sandwiches. We’ve given in too easily. Eating bacon should be a national pastime enshrined in the constitution and film live on prime time TV. We’ve given in too easily. Bloody vegans don’t want us to eat bats and pangolins and puffins. If we all are these creatures the market could regulate the quality and there would be no back street markets where diseases and viruses can spread.

It has to be the Vegans fault. Surely everyone can see this?

[Octavious]

I can't claim to be no medical expert, but I do know this. There was no Coronavirus before Playdip started charging for premium membership! Coincidence? I think not!

[Deeply_Dippy]

It's a global conspiracy by the Illuminati (or the NADF) to stall the resurrection of the Diplomacy Tour of Britain.

#StopBritDipToB