Finished: 03 PM Thu 23 Apr 20 UTC
Private PittMUN Coronavirus 2020
1 day /phase
Pot: 35 D - Spring, 1907, Finished
Classic, Sum-of-Squares Scoring
1 excused missed turn
Game won by Subotai45 (326 D)

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Chat archive


23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: As you can see, I've proposed a draw. The English see no need to squabble over continental trifles, and see no need for us to go to war. Please, in the name of peace.
23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: With regard to the Kaiser's comments, the continent has gone to war before to prevent a unified German state, and will not consent to the annexation of the Danubian monarchy into the Kaiserreich.
23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: The Kaiser finds his cousins remakes hilarious regarding his overseas enslavement of the natives while denying the German people their own sovereignty and right to be united.
23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: "overseas" I don't know what you're even talking about.
23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: The world ends at North Africa.
23 Mar 20 UTC Spring, 1901: Your historically accurate imperial possession of Iceland says otherwise
23 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: The Times

Silent But Deadly - French Diplomats Let Guns Do the Talking
Naval forces based in southeast England sail out to the channel that bears our name, where perfidious French warships fired upon them without signal. The Prime Minister vows retribution for this most grave insult.

Say Goodbye to Independence - Third Balkan War Kicks Off
The tumultuous region of the Balkans has its fragile peace shattered once again by the machinations of the despotic monarchies of the east. The opening phases of the war see the sovereign states of Serbia, Bulgaria, and Rumania occupied by Austrian, Turkish, and Russian forces respectively. Tiny Albania has already been entirely annexed into the Habsburg Empire, which shall surely heighten ethnic tensions in the already tense region. Major Frederick of the Imperial War College says "This is not the end of conflict in the Balkans, rather, it is but a beginning to a larger and more terrible conflict. The avaricious Tsar will stop at nothing to expand his domains by force in his single-minded view to gain access to the Mediterranean via Constantinople. Similarly, we have not even had the progress of one generation since the Bulgarian Massacres that the Ottoman Empire perpetrated in regions just now reclaimed. No, this will be a terrible bloodshed."

Pasta! Spaghetti! - Italy Lone Zone of Peace
The Italians, perhaps still sleeping off their massive dinners, are the lone zone of peace in this war-torn continent. Their forces, out of a marked consideration for the local populace, has done naught but move to less-populated areas to be less of a bother. Truly, an inspiration for the rest of us.
23 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: ConstantiNOPEl - Turkish Inter-service Rivalry Has Disastrous Results
The Ottoman Navy, envious of the pride of place given to the army in terms of military funding, has jealously guarded its position as guardian of the Straits and attempted to hold exercises there.

Unfortunately, they did not coordinate with their land-based counterpart, as II Corps, based in Izmir, attempted to move to the City of World's Desire on their way to the ongoing conflict in the Balkans.
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: The Times

Not So Sick After All - Turks Reclaim Danubian Principalities
After decades of derision as "the Sick Man of Europe," the Sublime Porte shows that it still has some strength after all, in a masterful operation that ejected Russian forces from the Danubian Principalities and seized the Black Sea. They appear to have sorted out their inter-service rivalries, which should set them up for success in the future.

Dual Monarchy Needs More Crowns
Rapid Balkan expansion shows the military might of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, but it may also expose the cracks in the system. The notoriously troublesome South Slavs have seen their numbers massively increased by the addition of Serbia to the Habsburg Monarchy. Federalization, as championed by the late Archduke Franz Ferdinand, may prove to be a solution, if the Austrians can find it in themselves to grant autonomy to their subject populations.

A New Rome - Italian Success Really Surprising
After centuries of utterly inept military performance, the Italian army has taken a lead from Old Rome, launching into Gaul and Africa on campaigns of imperial conquest. We expected little from the pastamen, but by George, they have exceeded our expectations of even warlike nations.

France Disturbingly Competent But Only When Fighting Us
France continues to stall our righteous forces out of the English Channel, which should show that they are a militarily mighty state, able to stalemate us for a solid year. This is not the case, as French forces fall back on Every Single Other Front. What is it about us that draws their ire? Why can't they let us just walk in, the way they consented to Italy's annexation of Marseilles and the German occupation of Burgundy?
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: Breaking News:

Times reporter Emily Smith is on the scene at St. Petersburg, where the Russian government has some words to say about the current struggle in Eastern Europe.

E.S.(Emily Smith): We've heard some news about the war in Eastern Europe and some unexpected reversals. Would you like to -
R.G. (Russian government): (interrupting) Yeah, we're fucked.
E.S.: "Pardon me? That's not very diplomatic lang-"
R.G.: Screwed. Shafted. Up the creek without a paddle, eating a shit sandwich.
E.S.: I think I, well, I had better go.

You heard it here first, viewers.
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: Mitchell I am living for these descriptions
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: Although calling me a pastaman is racist
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: My description is too accurate
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: The Times always delivers
(thank you for these Mitchell)
25 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1901: I sense some biased reporting calling out France for letting everyone else just waltz in, trying to get the heat off of England? (in all seriousness these are lovely updates thank you, Mitchell)
26 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1902: Next edition of The Times is just going to have one, very large headline: "IT'S OUR CHANNEL"
30 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1903: The Times

All Quiet on the Eastern Front

After three years of struggle, the Mad Romanovs have been put to rest. Initiating the global conflagration by crossing the Dniester, a Moldovan Rubicon, they plunged the world into years of chaos that have not yet seen an end.

Despite nearly immediate reversals, including the liberation of both recently-occupied Romania and long-oppressed Poland from Russian rule, the bear grimly licked its wounds and continued a long and bloody fight from the coldest waters of the north, to the hottest regions of Europe.

1902 saw the advance of Austrian forces into the Ukraine - a critical breadbasket region, albeit an industrial triviality, and German occupation of Livonia, where the large Baltic German population celebrated the Kaiser's visit to Riga in June.

These operations unfortunately allowed Russia an opening to slip between the two uncoordinated armies. Under General Danilov, the Russian army cleft a rift between their Austrian and German foes, recapturing the city in great fanfare, imprisoning vast numbers of Poles who helped the German occupiers the prior year. Not all was lost, however, as Austria managed to seize Moscow - a feat accomplished by few conquerors in history.

In the far south, the crescent sways once again over the Crimea and Caucuses, regions long oppressed by the Orthodox Tsar. A foolhardy expedition to Turkish Armenia left an opening for bold actions under Admiral Ahmet Cemal Pasha to seize the port of Sevastopol with a raiding party.

The Russian beast, bloodied but still aggressive, continued to lash out in 1903, marching into the German homeland and contesting the German protectorate over Sweden. It is only our very own Royal Navy, with the assistance of our Austrian comrades, who managed to seize the capital and the Romanov dynasty in its entirety.

Curiously, the last city held by the Russians was also the first seized from their grasp, but the struggle for Warsaw ended on November 13th, as the Russian garrison crumbled under a massive Austro-German assault.

We pay our respects to the thousands of Russian soldiers who died in the name of an uncaring dynasty, but the war in the east is over and we all rejoice that the Romanov menace has been vanquished.

After all, nothing bad can possibly happen when Russia loses a world war.
31 Mar 20 UTC Autumn, 1903: GameMaster: Game was extended due to at least 1 member failing to enter orders and having an excused missed turn available. This has un-readied all orders.
01 Apr 20 UTC Autumn, 1903: GameMaster: Game was extended due to at least 1 member failing to enter orders and having an excused missed turn available. This has un-readied all orders.
02 Apr 20 UTC Autumn, 1903: GameMaster: Game was extended due to at least 1 member failing to enter orders and having an excused missed turn available. This has un-readied all orders.