If she's eating raw meat, buy her some food. That's the only thing you should meddle with.

Not saying this to be snarky, but no one on here is going to be able to tell you anything besides "talk to her," since no one knows her.

You should talk to her. It's good that you're thinking about her and wanting to help, so take the next step and live out that want. Sit down with her and ask her what's going on.

You won't be judging? You already have, otherwise you'd be no more likely to take an interest in her than anyone else. No harm in that, though. To judge is human.

So when you find yourself way out of your depth, what's your plan? If she bursts into tears, asks you for money, grabs on to you, what do you do. If she tells you to fuck off, do you fuck off or push her to open up?

I am quite sure you have great intentions, and in your mind you imagine a woman who has suffered, but with someone such as yourself treating her as a human you will play a small but significant part in helping her get herself back on her feet. That might even be what happens, but equally you might make things worse.

This is not something you're ready for. Get some real training so you can cope with the possible variables, and fight the battles you know you can win.

Follow her to her alley/shelter/box and put her out of her misery.

I would recommend researching what programs your city might have for helping the homeless and/or mentally ill. Making them aware of the situation might be more effective. I'm not so sure what you may be personally capable of (financially, commitment, and expertise) in terms of real help.

Just don't be a paternalistic jerk about it.

@bo_sox: what about later? Sure, I can go bring her food a few times a day for a long time, but I won't always be around to get her food, and if I just get her some food for a few days, she'll just have more trouble being happy with what she has when I'm not giving her food anymore.
I have no problem, with giving her food, but the goal is to improve her life standards.

@PE: I know you're not being snarky. I also know the next step is to talk to her, in fact I probably should have done that already, too bad I thought of it too late (I walked past and I would want it to be as casual as possible. Also, because it's evening, I would end up struggling to choose when to go home and such. I don't want to seemingly reach out to her just to go to my warm bed 30 minutes later...), but I'm the kind of guy that at least wants to have some plan in such a situation, assuming she doesn't give me much to go by, because she isn't very willing to talk for example.

So for example, say I ask to sit down with her and do so. I ask how she is, she says 'fine...' or something like that, clearly not interested in telling what's up while there clearly is something. I ask her if she's hungry or thirsty, depending on her answer I may or may not go get something for her. If I do she may say thanks... Then there may be a potentially awkward silence... I can tell my name, ask hers...

And then? Maybe ask if she's looking for a job, and promise to ask around, but what if that's just giving her false hope? How can I get her a job as a 16-year-old schoolboy after all? Sure, I could try pulling some strings, but is this really the kind of person I want to give hope when the chance isn't really that large?

That's just an example. I could go on for quite a while but I suppose there's not much of a point. I'm not even looking for specific answers, I'm just looking for idea's, things to suggest, things that may help her, if the conversation doesn't seem to bear much fruit for whatever reason.

Yeah, that's vague... I'm not too sure what I expect to hear (well I do: nothing in particular). I just made the thread in the hope something useful is said. Just looking for tips I suppose.
And also to get the inevitable warnings to help me reconsider properly. Speaking of which...

@Octavious: I appreciate the warning, first of all. My initial reaction, though, is that I just want to sit next to a woman and make conversation if she's willing. I know there's a risk, but I've done more dangerous things for less worthy causes... I'm not ignoring your warning though. I'll definitely reconsider doing it.
As for judging, I mean that I won't be caring about how she got where she got and such, and will just be looking to help rather than finding out wether she messed up herself or something.

To go through your scenario's:
If she bursts into tears I would let her. Crying is okay, and I see no harm. I would probably say that too: it's okay to cry. If she cries she's presumably opening up so I would listen to what she has to say.

If she asks me for money, one thing's for sure, I won't give it unless she's got a very good reason. I would ask what she wants to do with it and perhaps buy what she wants to buy. If she insists, I would probably wish her a good day and be gone.

If she grabs onto me, I'm gone, perhaps even before she actually gets to me. I've got rather good reflexes.

If she tells me to fuck off, I would probably wish her a good day and fuck off.

Making things worse is of course the real risk. To be honest though, in this case I have trouble thinking of a realistic way to make things worse, long-term especially. I understand that I could piss her off ruining her day, but that's not too bad...
Could you help me see what you're thinking of there?
Also, I don't think she's neccesarily mentally ill, I said that's what your average passer-by would say.

yebellz: that's possible, but surely I'd have to talk to her to figure out who needs to know about her? And as I mentioned before, I don't want to give her the feeling that I'm betraying her trust because I'm telling those organisations something she told me in confidentiality or stuff like that. She would pretty much have to want that to happen before I make it happen.

@bo_sox again: I'm not sure about what you mean with being a paternalistic jerk about it.

"Follow her to her alley/shelter/box and put her out of her misery."

I might consider asking you to avoid recommending our members end someone, but lets be honest here, there's a good chance this story isn't real, and Steephie doesn't listen to anyone on this site anyways.

You lack imagination, steephie. Suppose something you say upsets her and she reacts violently, and some passers-by decide to step in to help the buff, rabbit hole sized kid with the wonky leg? There are countless ways this could make things worse with a huge range in how much worse it could be.

The question is have you prepared yourself enough that you are confident the risks are minimal? The answer, of which I think you are aware, is no. Join an organisation like the Samaritans. Get some training and experience. Then you can start considering such projects.

Steephie, if she has any bit of gratefulness to her she will be so, so thankful that a random passerby took time out of their day once, twice, three times, or however many you plan to stop by, to make sure that she's not going to be hungry all day. If she isn't grateful, then you are wasting your time in helping her, because food is only a temporary help. I've never met a person in need that isn't grateful for every bit of help, though.

If your goal is to improve her life standards, then you need to first understand what is wrong in her life - whether she's just down on her luck, or she's disabled, or maybe she's widowed and can't provide for herself for some reason, whatever it may be. You can ask her these things, but if you're going to ask all of these things the first time you approach her, you run the risk of being invasive and pressing her for too much information. People don't like that, and even if you think you can avoid it, everyone has a different "holier-than-thou" threshold and you don't know how much of that she'll take before she gets angry.

Start with a simple act of kindness, and eventually pick up conversation, and over time, a long time, you can begin to actually help her. You can't fix every problem right now, though.

Buy her or make her some food, then put it in some disposable container and hand it to her. If she looks badly clothed buy her some clothes.

quick quick quick
http://webdiplomacy.net/board.php?gameID=142341

@Octavious: fair enough. I can hold my own very well, but if others get involved, that's an issue.

Would you say, though, that just sitting down with her permission and seeing if she's hungry or thirsty would be that risky too?
I would of course be sure to take tiny steps from there, IF it goes well.

But is that first step too large?

I hesitate to share this with you steephie but I think it may give you some sense of what to do.

If you know what the right thing to do is, you should do it. Once, a few years ago, I was walking home to my apartment late at night when I saw in a nearby apartment parking lot that a girl was passed out on the ground with her pants around her ankles. I came close to walking on, almost reflexively, but caught myself. It seemed obvious that there was really only one thing I could do. So I went over to her, helped her up, asked her if her friends were nearby, no answer, and so coaxed her to say where she lived, which was nearby, and thusly more or less dragged her to her apartment and laid her in her bed.

Now, believe me, from the moment I helped her with her pants, it dawned on me how I might be punished for this good deed. I didn't exactly look great to an outsider who might chance on us. I didn't know who her friends were or where they were, or who was in that apartment I was bringing her to.

But what was the alternative?

That is how you should think of this: learn what you can about the situation, and think - what will happen if I do nothing? Is it worse than what might happen to me if I do something?

And then your choice will become easy.

How bad does she really look? What can you do for her that she seems like she needs?

Octavious comes from a country where it is considered invasive to engage a stranger in conversation. I wouldn't pay him much mind.

Hmm...

Well, even though I'm trying to get rid of adrenaline, I'm still the kind of guy that functions better in stressful situations than normal situations. I'm pretty certain that I could keep her off me and outrun her in a matter of seconds, and sitting next to someone doesn't look that suspicious I'd say, so I'm not very worried about myself. I'm more worried about the potential to make things worse for her, if others try to help me for example.

Octavious' country is more like mine than yours though, thucy.

Thucy, on the other hand, comes from a country where people come close to walking on when they see someone who appears to have been attacked. Thucy's situation demanded immediate action. Yours does not.

But it does demand some action, right?
What would you recommend as a course of action, Octavious?

Like I said, you don't have the tools yet to be confident of a win here. I would avoid anything more than a cheerful "good morning" as you pass by.

If you really want to help you need to get the tools. Join whatever the equivalent is for the Samaritans where you are (any charity dedicated to helping those down on their luck are always keen on hands on volunteers). They will help prepare you for how to handle the complexities of such situations, and the huge number of possible routes intervention may take you down.

You may ultimately be unable to do anything for this particular person, but you will be equipped to make a real difference for people like her in the future. God knows there is no shortage of them.

So would you consider it risky to sit down with her after we've greeted eachother for a week? And/or ask if she's hungry, or say she can better not eat raw meat, give her some apples or something and perhaps offer to cook the meat and bring it back cooked?

I have no problem taking it extremely slow, but I do want to make progress, and while there are places where they can get food 2 days a week for example, and even a rehab kind of thing, there seems to be no organisation that actually goes looking for them or tries to convince them or stuff like that.

They all demand dedication from the people coming to them, so I think there's little they can learn me about how to find out if someone is in need and dedicated, because they already know that when someone comes in asking for help.

So in short: I can't seem to find any organisation that would know how to offer help to an individual, rather than allowing an individual to ask for help.

Also, those organisations have their hands full with people who are actively looking for help, so looking for other people to offer help to seems rather inefficient.

Help people looking for help, then. Build up some real experience and learn the skills you need. Once you have the skills, if you want to go forth and proactively seek people out by all means do so. But you are not yet fit for the task.

I will not pretend to be an expert, but one thing I can safely say is her problems are too large to be solved with sandwiches. You are in danger of finding yourself way out of your depth, and if you do you need to know how the hell you can get yourself back out without causing her more damage.

Why doesn't it demand immediate action? It certainly could.

Look, if you live in a city like I do, especially one with a dysfunctional anti-social government like mine, you will see a lot of hard-up people. Some are addicts, others are simply homeless and vulnerable, still others are sick and in need of care. And many of these same people, to survive, have developed somewhat predatory practices - if not crime, manipulation and so on to make it through.

The truth is with a street person there is usually not a lot you can do, especially as a youth of limited means. I've never been able to offer my own place to stay, for example, because I've always had roommates who would not be comfortable with that. They have stuff that could be stolen (whereas I don't lol). As for financial help, you, and I, have very little to spare that may help, and even then, the money may not help, at all.

What I would recommend to you, if this is a "habitual" homeless person, in that you see them in the same spot frequently, is to start off just by chatting her up. Treat her like a regular person and just go up to her and say "nice day, isn't it?"

If she responds to this and doesn't seem too "off," you might keep making the small-talk and maybe bust out a water bottle. Drink some of it, and then say, hey, do you want any of this? If she says yes, produce a second one and give it to her. Then say I've got to be going it was nice meeting you, what's your name?

Just let that be your first contact. Then next time you see her, maybe wave. You can build up the sense that she knows you, and you know her, and begin to build some trust. Do this often enough and maybe one time instead of small-talk you can ask a question like, what are you doing out here anyway. And you can begin to help from there.

You have to be careful of course. It's cynical, but not impossible, that she may simply hit you up for money immediately, or may be incoherent or even dangerous. But you won't know any of that until you try. And she is incoherent or dangerous, I would assume you live in a place that has some kind of institution set up to help people like that - give them a call.

Where is it that you live anyway?

I actually do have stuff that could be stolen and money to spare (I really wonder how you drew the conclusion I don't), but I know my way around thieves. Even though I'm friendly, I've had quite some experiences with running and fighting. I'm also not usually wearing a lot of valuable stuff, and I don't exactly look valuable.
Even though I have no problem with people trying to manipulate me for money (people in need are people in need. If they try to help theirselves without using force but just words and sad faces, good for them. This is what I meant with not judging.) I'm absolutely not just going to hand out money. Even if I simply want to give away money to strangers, I would 'test' who is honest/caring/reliable first. If someone is homeless though, there's a good chance that such a person would be unable to build a life on a bit of money I give. I would only do it if I thought it is a good long-term investment in someone's life, and then I'd have to be convinced on an extremely unlikely level.
I would have no problem handing out food though, but, similar to above: I don't really care wether someone is looking to get food from me or not.

We seem to agree on the approach though.

I live in the Netherlands. Don't feel like being more specific.

I dunno I assumed you don't have anything cause you're 16, right? Minors down really have anything of their own, in the end

And though 23 year olds may have a little more, most of us don't have much either lol

One could argue that if you had taken the more lucrative job you would have more resources and would indeed be able to house a homeless person. Not that I would criticize your choice. At the end of the day it is everyone's right to choose their own path and lifestyle (yachts spring to mind. ;) ). But no, you have chosen a life that works for you so good on you.

If you're going to go ahead with this, steephie, for God's sake be careful. And if it does go wrong don't let the experience dampen your enthusiasm to help. Good luck, mate.

@Thucy: I got money from my parents over the years with which I pay for pretty much everything except housing as long as I live with my parents, food if my parents cook and I eat that, school tuition, a bicycle... Oh, and a mobile with a subscription because my parents really want me to have that for whatever reason... I think that's about it. I can spend the money on everything I want, but I'm trying to not be materialistic. I wear out my clothes and such, so I rarely buy new clothes (and they're usually cheap if I do) so I just have the occasional expense from that and if I see something I want and think the price is good I buy it as well...

So because my expenses are almost non-existent, at this point maybe two euro's a week, most of my income is instant profit.

At this point I'm also earning 12 euro's a week with work I enjoy (helping 2 children with mathematics, one hour each, 6 euro's per hour, which is a nice payment for 16-year-olds, because it actually requires some skills, which is part of what I enjoy about it. I'm also helping kids of course, which gives more satisfaction than filling shelves I'd say, and as a rather analytical person I see the visible trouble with mathematics as a symptom and get to the source of it), so the saving goes even faster now.

Admitted, I don't exactly come from a poor family (though rich is an overstatement. Absolutely working class), but I have always consciously made the decision to save rather than buy a new scooter or something like that, as most people of my age who get a big bunch of money do. I see enough people of my age who get much more than me but still have no real savings.

I have nothing against spending money, but I only spend it on stuff that I really consider valuable for me, and more valuable than whatever it costs.

So, long story short: it's not like I have a particularly large income, I just have very low expenses, meaning most money that comes in ends up in the bank sooner or later, increasing my income because of interest (nominal. Because of inflation, the actual income doesn't increase, perhaps decreases...).

Wow, that's a long answer from me :)

@Octavious: I will be extremely careful, if I go through with it at all. Thanks.

@Oct

If I had chosen that job, I would live in a community with no homeless people. A creepy colonial cookie cutter town.

But as to the money, yes, you're right, however it would be a short term gain for a long term loss, given that in that job I'd be going nowhere.