Re: School of War Summer 2019
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:01 pm
* Unfurls 16-foot map of Europe.
* Casually pours glass of 1945 Romanée Conti.
* Sprawls out over the Baltic Sea, Gulf of Bothnia region, concentrating on the lines of division below.
* Hums something or other from Gustav Mahler's middle period.
* Slowly looks up and glances at the packed, standing-room-only, 500-capacity lecture hall.
Hello.
Well, this is why we don't declare winners and losers after Spring 1901. England, who looked like some kind of genius a season ago, looks downright JMOian now. And Russia, who endured some public ridicule for his opening, is large enough on my map here to accommodate perhaps 13 or 14 Professor Balki forearms?
* Some front-row gunner raises her hand and asks: "Professor, how many JMO forearms could Russia accommodate?"
I mean...considering we could fit 15-16 JMO forearms in Portugal, I'm not really sure I want to embarrass anyone by doing the math.
Let's focus on what's important: Who has a lousy mentor?
*Glances down.
Ick. Looks like that's Italy and England.
Folks, this game is about people. Italy and England, like everyone else, can do practically nothing without a co-conspirator. And you both failed to get one this first year. That's your problem. It doesn't really matter where you move your pieces if you don't find someone who sincerely believes that your growth is good for them and wants to help facilitate it.
But I have good news. We don't declare winners after Fall 1901 either. There is plenty of opportunity for literally each of the seven powers. Go connect with someone. Use your build as leverage. Tell them how your growth or survival will improve their position on the board. Sometimes, you can even mean it sincerely.
I am going to draft a message from the perspective of England, but really this approach can be applied to anyone else on the board:
Dear France,
Welp, that sucked. Look, I attacked you. Germany led me down the garden path, made me believe he would support me to Belgium, and here I am with no builds. Damn! That guy is such a good player. He seemed so sincere! It seems clear enough to me that he just wanted to lock us up in an endless war to give him complete freedom on the board. Looks like it worked.
So what to do now?
Here is my general thinking. I am legitimately angry at Germany. I try to play without much emotion, but the way he played me there is a little bit humiliating, and I feel like I need to exact some form of justice. I'm going to be moving my fleets west.
I feel like you have a choice here. You certainly have the ability to attack me. I mean, I'm not an easy nut to crack, but you can pick off my centers eventually. The issue is, you've only got one build now, and you probably have to convoy an army over to England before you can take anything, and then you're going to be awfully vulnerable to attack from what appears to be a fast-growing Germany on your flank. Maybe you can make that work.
On the other hand, you can use my displeasure with Germany to your advantage. I'm basically willing to move completely in Germany's direction and support you into Belgium and then Holland if it means you'll work with me over him.
It's kind of a funny start to an alliance, I know. But, I think (1) you're pretty clearly going to be in a better position two years from now if you use me to knock out your biggest competition in the west, and (2) you can be pretty damn sure I'm telling you the truth as you can see for a fact that I am not working with Germany, and I don't have any intention of trying to do so ever again. "Fool me once, shame on me, etc."
I'm sure Germany will send you a sweet, reassuring message. I know that because I've received so many from him myself before Belgiumgate. But I hope you can see from my position on the board, and my message here that I am absolutely motivated and focused on changing course, and if you link up with me now in this sort of unorthodox way, I will work very hard to make you glad you did.
XOXOXOXO,
The humble three-center islanders
* Casually pours glass of 1945 Romanée Conti.
* Sprawls out over the Baltic Sea, Gulf of Bothnia region, concentrating on the lines of division below.
* Hums something or other from Gustav Mahler's middle period.
* Slowly looks up and glances at the packed, standing-room-only, 500-capacity lecture hall.
Hello.
Well, this is why we don't declare winners and losers after Spring 1901. England, who looked like some kind of genius a season ago, looks downright JMOian now. And Russia, who endured some public ridicule for his opening, is large enough on my map here to accommodate perhaps 13 or 14 Professor Balki forearms?
* Some front-row gunner raises her hand and asks: "Professor, how many JMO forearms could Russia accommodate?"
I mean...considering we could fit 15-16 JMO forearms in Portugal, I'm not really sure I want to embarrass anyone by doing the math.
Let's focus on what's important: Who has a lousy mentor?
*Glances down.
Ick. Looks like that's Italy and England.
Folks, this game is about people. Italy and England, like everyone else, can do practically nothing without a co-conspirator. And you both failed to get one this first year. That's your problem. It doesn't really matter where you move your pieces if you don't find someone who sincerely believes that your growth is good for them and wants to help facilitate it.
But I have good news. We don't declare winners after Fall 1901 either. There is plenty of opportunity for literally each of the seven powers. Go connect with someone. Use your build as leverage. Tell them how your growth or survival will improve their position on the board. Sometimes, you can even mean it sincerely.
I am going to draft a message from the perspective of England, but really this approach can be applied to anyone else on the board:
Dear France,
Welp, that sucked. Look, I attacked you. Germany led me down the garden path, made me believe he would support me to Belgium, and here I am with no builds. Damn! That guy is such a good player. He seemed so sincere! It seems clear enough to me that he just wanted to lock us up in an endless war to give him complete freedom on the board. Looks like it worked.
So what to do now?
Here is my general thinking. I am legitimately angry at Germany. I try to play without much emotion, but the way he played me there is a little bit humiliating, and I feel like I need to exact some form of justice. I'm going to be moving my fleets west.
I feel like you have a choice here. You certainly have the ability to attack me. I mean, I'm not an easy nut to crack, but you can pick off my centers eventually. The issue is, you've only got one build now, and you probably have to convoy an army over to England before you can take anything, and then you're going to be awfully vulnerable to attack from what appears to be a fast-growing Germany on your flank. Maybe you can make that work.
On the other hand, you can use my displeasure with Germany to your advantage. I'm basically willing to move completely in Germany's direction and support you into Belgium and then Holland if it means you'll work with me over him.
It's kind of a funny start to an alliance, I know. But, I think (1) you're pretty clearly going to be in a better position two years from now if you use me to knock out your biggest competition in the west, and (2) you can be pretty damn sure I'm telling you the truth as you can see for a fact that I am not working with Germany, and I don't have any intention of trying to do so ever again. "Fool me once, shame on me, etc."
I'm sure Germany will send you a sweet, reassuring message. I know that because I've received so many from him myself before Belgiumgate. But I hope you can see from my position on the board, and my message here that I am absolutely motivated and focused on changing course, and if you link up with me now in this sort of unorthodox way, I will work very hard to make you glad you did.
XOXOXOXO,
The humble three-center islanders