Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

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brainbomb
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Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#1 Post by brainbomb » Mon Jul 13, 2020 2:01 am

When a dog dies, supposedly they get to go to heaven. But what if they dont. Researchers think that some dogs may actually go to hell if they arent good dogs. A study conducted recently showed that a significant portion of dogs bark, and eat things when they dont need to eat or bark.
These same researchers also think that Hell may be real. They have using solid data to prove that when a person dies, the body goes astral and travels into deep space. So why cant a dog do the same?
Is it fair that religious doctrine does not allow dogs to appeal for their right to having a soul?
What legal authority does Jesus have to tell an animal they arent soulful enough?
And finally, if heaven is a manifestation of a perfect idea of afterlife, where there is no suffering and only eternal joy. Surely dogs would just be chilling out there barking and no one would be able to be annoyed by barking because heaven is perfect.
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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#2 Post by brainbomb » Mon Jul 13, 2020 3:48 pm

bork bork bork bork

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#3 Post by MajorMitchell » Mon Jul 13, 2020 4:16 pm

I have to admit beloved Dipbro Brainbomb that despite having an impressive collection of Religious Texts, many picked up from Charity shops I haven't found any sound advice from the various Words of Gods on the matter.
Can a dog be a jihadist martyr?.For example if a radical jihadist martyr dog committed an act of martyrdom would he go to jihadist heaven and be serviced by 40 obliging bitches?
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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#5 Post by Octavious » Mon Jul 13, 2020 8:57 pm

That's not how it works at all. Dogs are reincarnated human spirits so a dog's life is essentially the human afterlife (which is why the name we give a dog is God backwards)

People who have led good lives come back as a butcher's German Shepherd, whereas those who have lived lives of cruel selfishness are destined to return as chiwawas owned by elderly Californian ladies who dress you in little sweaters and feed you carefully formulated vegan dog food.
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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#6 Post by Doug7878 » Mon Jul 13, 2020 11:52 pm

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
- Will Rogers
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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#7 Post by Doug7878 » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:56 am

[sternly] Dogs are people too, you know !!
- Dud Bolt

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#8 Post by TristanFarms » Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:44 pm

If it is assumed that dogs go to heaven. Would cats then go to hell?

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#9 Post by brainbomb » Wed Jul 15, 2020 3:22 pm

only if sheep do

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#10 Post by MajorMitchell » Wed Jul 15, 2020 3:33 pm

Octavious our Oracle is it possible that you delicately omitted the bit about the elderly ladies sending their pet dogs that are reincarnated wicked sinners if male to the vet's for an encounter with castrating knife & other cosmetic snips to ears & tail?

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#11 Post by MajorMitchell » Wed Jul 15, 2020 3:46 pm

Here's an interesting question, what if you, or me, any readers.were offered the opportunity to be God. For instance St Peter appears & over tea & scones he explains that God & Jesus and the Holy Spirit have had enough of the God caper & want to relax and play golf and they want you to take on the powers & responsibilities of being God for the remainder of eternity.
I think I would try to politely decline, suggest that St Peter.tries an alternative candidate, Dipbro Brainbomb or even Maniac, but under no circumstances offer the job to my Adorable Fire Breathing Mem Sahib Her Serene Imperiousness Indoors lounging on a sofa eating cakes because she'd agree.. Cosmic catastrophe imho.
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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#12 Post by brainbomb » Fri Jul 17, 2020 7:24 pm

What would we do? I am tasked with caring for 3 birds, 3 dogs and a diabetic cat. Ive had to learn to give my lil willow cat insulin as she has been diagnosed with kitty diabeties.

its not as scary as it sounds but I have a phobia of needles and giving her shots 2 times a day is rough.

the birds are my in laws and theyre on vacation in the naether of minnesota, bemidji and such. where the mosquitos are unforgiving. the dogs are my future wifes, and they are quite cheerful pups. I do imagine flip will go to dog heaven as he is a loyal and kind hearted doggie.

flop is loud, rambunxious, and irreverent. he will not let you eat in peace, nor try to enjoy any foods he wouldnt even eat anyway. his desire to hover as I ate coconut curry hummus recently proved that if a dog smells anything they want it.

kahuna is a tiny rat terrier. he is very small and has 1 eye. hes a yip dog. he likes to be a troublemaker and hide a lot. I imagine flop will have a lengthy purgatory pre heaven.

but kahuna is probably more hellbound and impish. his penchant for licking the other dogs faces and biting their asses illustrates this

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#13 Post by brainbomb » Fri Jul 17, 2020 7:26 pm

if sodom and gomorrah were home to dogs id imagine kahuna being a dog moneylender with an eye patch.

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Re: Do dogs go to heaven or hell?

#14 Post by MajorMitchell » Thu Jul 23, 2020 2:00 pm

This is my point, many of us might occasionally wish or pray for Omnipotent Powers so we could solve some vexing problem like PF being unreasonable about Liverpool, but when we consider the proposition on the basis that with the Omnipotent Powers come all encompassing responsibilities then those of us with any common good sense realise.that not having those Omnipotent Powers and responsibilities is almost certainly the much wiser choice.
I just thought of an Occam's choice.. if you could with prayer save the souls of all the animals you wanted to save or just one human which would you choose, and what if the human was someone like a dictator.. Xi Jinpeng? Putin, Trump, Dargoygel... no no not Dargoygel, Either of those two former members with names we do not use?

I did try exhaustive tests of Holy Shrine water & reading aloud from.various religious texts on several pet galahs that could mimic speech and other noises eg telephone ringing & a conversation to see if the galahs might develop an ability to quote scripture or discuss neat points of theology.
The control bird that was fed placebo Holy Shrine and denied personal readings from religious texts but instead exposed to long hours of repetitive playing of reel reel tape recordings of the Ten Commandments alternating with the Lord's Prayer spoken slowly.
The results led me to think that I'd wasted a lot of Holy Shrine water @$2 little plastic bottle on a bunch of dullard galahs of sinful ignorance & the control bird a gifted scholar, so I set the clever critter up in an aviary near the front garden near the road. And that a decent reel to reel tape player is more effective than Holy Shrine water.
The unexpected downside was that the local roving Mormons started to loiter frequently near the aviary and I suspect try to persuade the galah to convert to their sect.

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